Learning You were Adopted is an Epiphany

“Adoption awareness is a moment of sudden realization and insight—an epiphany. Adults who discover that they were adopted may experience a wide range of emotions, including betrayal, abandonment, despair, and an inability to trust those who kept the secret from them.” Judith Land 

Richard was fifty-five years old when his mother told him he was adopted—shocking. She was ill and casually mentioned the subject shortly before she died.

When Richard learned he was adopted, tears welled up in his eyes. It was an emotional awakening that aroused intense feelings of rejection, mystery, curiosity, and disbelief. He daydreamed of standing in the middle of a battlefield. This moment was his epiphany, a sudden intuitive insight into reality, followed by self-doubt.

His adoptive parents were dark-haired and French, but according to his mother, his original parents were Swedish, which explained why his children were tall, light-haired, and fair-skinned.

Richard was grateful a good family adopted him, but learning that he was adopted was emotionally traumatic, causing him to feel a sense of rejection, relinquishment trauma, grief, curiosity, and loss of his true identity.

“Why didn’t they keep me? Why did you keep this secret from me for so long?” he wondered. Questions his mother never answered.

Judith Land

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

Your father is not who you think.

Julia is in a perplexed and chaotic state of confusion, disoriented, and having difficulty focusing. Amazed at the strange turn of the fate of her life, she is engaged in compassionate self-talk and reaching out for support because she cannot decide what to do or think. She is puzzled and frustrated because she cannot understand or explain something.

“Discovering information about your ancestors, celebrating family traditions, embracing your ancestral culture, and understanding where you came from can open your eyes to how beautiful and unique you are. Cultural heritage implies a shared bond that helps us understand previous generations and the history of our origins. Ancestral discovery can increase your sense of being, give your self-worth a boost, and even be inspiring.” Judith Land

Julia was unprepared to have her life rocked by what she discovered—results that prove her father is not her father. Bewildered and perplexed, she repeated the test on multiple platforms, all with the same identical results. The pie chart proved one half of her DNA was from Italy. A million things from her past flashed through her head, and she became reticent. She had feelings and questions that couldn’t be explained, except by a novelist in a who-done-it mystery.

Most people find ancestral recovery an exciting and enriching pursuit, but not everyone welcomes the truth. DNA tests have the potential to bring to light infidelities and generations-old secrets. DNA may uncover lies, extramarital affairs, illegitimate births, and adoptions.

Julia’s story is dramatic, but it is not unique. Learning something so significant as a change in identity is the equivalent of the federal witness protection plan unwillingly imposed on you. Perhaps, there should be some advice from the major companies about how to approach these situations.

Julia’s parents are deceased, and DNA identifies her mother’s high school, sweetheart, and neighbor as the birth father. How would you advise Julia to feel and think now that she has discovered five generations of relatives she never knew existed?

Judith Land

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

 

Like Father, like Son?

How likely are adopted children to emulate the behavior of their biological parents? Have you ever observed an adopted child with attitudes, preferences, shared traits, and behaviors similar to the birth father or mother?

Richard’s adoptive mother nick-named her son “Good-time Charlie” because he was passionate about food, wine, girls, and music. He had a big smile, and he was handsome and well-liked.

The origin of the expression “like father, like son” comes from a biblical proverb in the book of Ezekiel 16:44.

Good-time Charlie was the most distinguished boy in the neighborhood. His eyes were bright, and his smile prominent. He had pride and confidence in his work. He was always well groomed, and his shoes shined. He was known for being open, honest, and sincere. He had good communication skills and the ability to tell a good story. Good-time Charlie had a good sense of humor that made everyone laugh. He had a diverse taste in music and natural intelligence filled with random knowledge. Others admired his strong work ethic, and his passion and enthusiasm for good food, music, and true friendship were contagious. Charlie had confidence in himself and was never shy, indecisive, or weak. He was a person of integrity, honesty, faithful, with respect for others. Even at a very young age, Charlie exhibited personality traits reminiscent of a mature celebrity.

His adoptive parents owned a paint store. They worked tirelessly six or seven days a week and routinely arrived home exhausted. Their house was plain and simple, and they never went on vacation. They never ate at restaurants and had the habit of eating microwave dinners and leftovers on TV trays.

Charlie preferred delicious well-prepared meals, fancy table settings, wine, and candlelight. He was a take-charge kind of person with exemplary people skills. Without advice, consultation, or supervision, he excelled at meal preparation through hard work, diligence, and experimentation, showing tremendous natural ability as a great chef at an early age.

When Charlie was thirty, he became curious about his biological family. He discovered his father was an award-winning chef at a prestigious restaurant. Charlie and his father had many things in common, including appearance, personality, and remarkable similarities in food and dining preferences, even though they had never met.

Have you ever observed other adoptees with personality traits, likes and dislikes, and habits remarkably similar to their biological relatives?

Judith Land

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

What are the most important things to share with your global audience?

You have reached readers in 193 countries. What advice do you have for others?

1. If a parent can love more than one child, a child can love more than one parent. 
2. No child should be forced to decide between their adopted parents and birth parents. 
3. Increasing the number of connections with people increases the number of individuals you have to love and those who love you in return. 
4. Difficult beginnings can have cheerful, happy endings. 
5. After discovering my birth family, my relationship with my adopted parents greatly improved. My appreciation for them increased, and I was more grateful for our shared memories and the positive influences they provided. 
6. Knowing the truth and facing reality is enlightening. 
7. Knowing your medical history is essential for many individuals. 
8. The emotional depth of some moments in life is so overwhelming that God can only resolve them—but it is up to the individual to make the connection.
9. Those who don’t read have no advantage over those who can’t.

Judith Land, Author of Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

“A powerful personal story that belongs in the Pantheon of Adoption Classics. I was deeply moved by the heartbreaking narrative of this adoptee, but at the same time, the mystery buff in me breathlessly turned the pages to find out how or if Judy finally finds her truth. As you read this shocking and amazing book, keep reminding yourself: This really happened.” Donna Montalbano 

 

What conclusions did you draw from your experience?

Ancestral recovery was a peak emotional experience, an extraordinary moment that took my breath away, liberated my spirit, and gave me the confidence to soar like an eagle. 

Destiny is not preordained—it’s about making choices. Our lives are the sum of all our options, the bridges we cross, and the ones we burn. Our souls cast long shadows over many people, even after we are gone. Fate, luck, and providence are consequences of our freedom of choice, not the determinants. When justice is served by following our principles, making good decisions brings inner peace. Happiness is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. 

At this point in my life, I have much to be thankful for and many reasons to celebrate. 

Judith Land, Author of Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

“Judith Land’s adoption reunion story is a roller-coaster of emotional beauty, turmoil, and closure that captured and held my attention. The deep emotional scars that are revealed and explored accurately represent many adoptees’ experiences. Rejection, secrecy, Christian values, and the falsification of crucial life documents are themes explored in this poignant memoir. Adoptees and birth mothers will find themselves on every page of this book and may find refreshing new ideas on how to perceive and embrace their adoption roles. Judy displays her deep-seated understanding of all sides here.” V.L. Brunskill 

What are the key personal attributes needed to do an adoption search?

Adoption searches require a serious commitment. Mastering the art of psycho-cybernetics to visualize positive outcomes is highly beneficial. Empathy for the feelings and emotions of others is essential.

Conducting an adoption search requires resilience to conquer adversity, perseverance to overcome injustice, and persistence to make your dreams come true. Many facets of life and personal psychology make it easy to spend a lifetime analyzing and dwelling on past events. Still, staying focused on the present and moving forward into the future is best. They call it the present because it is a gift. It is important to remain optimistic and stay focused on cheerful endings.

Rainbows are elusive; you must act when the timing is right to find your reward’s pot of gold. 

Judith Land, Author of Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

“Judith Land’s adoption reunion story is a roller-coaster of emotional beauty, turmoil, and closure that captured and held my attention. The deep emotional scars revealed and explored represent many adoptees’ experiences. Rejection, secrecy, Christian values, and the falsification of crucial life documents are explored in this poignant memoir. Adoptees and birth mothers will find themselves on every page of this book and may find refreshing new ideas on how to perceive and embrace their adoption roles. Judy displays her deep-seated understanding of all sides here.” V.L. Brunskill 

Why did you choose the title Adoption Detective

My origin was a mystery. I knew nothing of my beginnings, the reasons for my birth, parents, and adoption. Every child is curious and believes in their heart they are a born detective. My journey was exciting, emotionally charged, technical, and filled with mystery, intrigue, and suspense. The adventure I experienced had all the elements of a good detective novel. I imagined myself as a master detective throughout the lengthy discovery process, gradually acquiring the skills needed to master the elegant art of detection. In the beginning, I had almost no clues to get started.

Finding my roots was a complicated process that stimulated me to investigate every sign and signal using intuitive and deductive reasoning. The heroine of this story is hardly a traditional detective. Still, by its very nature, genealogy leads to detection, deduction, and conclusions that are not always what the genealogist or adoptee had in mind. 

Judith Land, Author of Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

“Judith Land’s adoption reunion story is a roller-coaster of emotional beauty, turmoil, and closure that captured and held my attention. The deep emotional scars that are revealed and explored accurately represent many adoptees’ experiences. Rejection, secrecy, Christian values, and the falsification of crucial life documents are themes explored in this poignant memoir. Adoptees and birth mothers will find themselves on every page of this book and may find refreshing new ideas on how to perceive and embrace their adoption roles. Judy displays her deep-seated understanding of all sides here.” V.L. Brunskill

 

What did you say after you said hello to your birth parents?

It was apparent to my birth parents from the beginning that I wanted a continuing relationship to get to know them better in the future. Sometimes, warm hugs and silence translate our deepest feelings toward others better than words.

I learned that life is about making choices and building relationships—actions that can only happen if you take the initiative. The outcome of an adoption search may rest in the hands of fate or prayer. Still, desire and passion provide the fuel to overcome self-doubt and internal resistance to assure desired long-term outcomes. Relatives don’t automatically make the best friends, and connecting with others is often an emotional challenge. Still, I was determined to establish a meaningful relationship and continue a positive dialogue with them to discover the answers to the questions I was seeking.

Ultimately, my efforts’ positive emotional benefits and rewards are boundless. 

Judith Land, Author of Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

“This is an extraordinarily riveting story. I was immediately drawn in and could not put the book down. The narrative is structured so that the suspense never lets up as the discovery process unfolds. There are many surprises, redemptive moments, and amazing human complexities revealed throughout. As an adoptive parent, I really valued the author’s honest reflections on her struggles and her serious and thoughtful critique of the institution of adoption.” Anne Bernard Becker

 

What motivated you to search for your birth parents?

I spent my childhood quietly wondering and longing for something intangible that seemed missing in my life. I never gave up hope or stopped scanning the universe for my biological parents because I was confident I would someday find them.

The ghostly image I had of my birth mother was something that haunted me throughout my childhood. Even though I had never seen her face, I often thought of her. I instinctually began as a wee life, longing for the warmth and protection of my birth mother to survive. The umbilical cord was physically severed, but our unnatural separation heightened the spiritual connection that bound me to my birth mother. Maybe I possessed a biological gene in my DNA that drove me to succeed. Using my sixth sense, I never gave up scanning the universe for esoteric signals emanating from her essence. I was subconsciously longing to be with her. I used intuition and wishful thinking to connect with what was intuitively familiar in every way possible.

I wanted to know why my mother gave me up for adoption, my family medical history, and my social and cultural heritage. I wanted to be with others who shared my same flesh and blood. I was curious if we looked alike, had identical habits, or had similar personal preferences.

Ultimately, my drive to find my roots was spiritual and inspired by God. 

Judith Land, Author of Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

“A powerful personal story that belongs in the Pantheon of Adoption Classics. I was deeply moved by the heartbreaking narrative of this adoptee, but at the same time, the mystery buff in me breathlessly turned the pages to find out how or if Judy finally finds her truth. As you read this shocking and amazing book, keep reminding yourself: This really happened.” Donna Montalbano

 

How did you feel when you learned you were adopted?

I needed spontaneous love and assurance at that moment because it was disappointing knowing that Rosella was not my mother. I reacted tentatively. I internalized my opinions and feelings, and my body language remained rigid. I was uncomfortable, and I had difficulty expressing myself. I was baffled. Why was I adopted? I was curious if any of my girlfriends were adopted. I was happy knowing that my parents chose me because I was special. 

Still, in hindsight, I wondered if the deepest part of my brain was already conscious of our genetic dissimilarities. Knowing that I was adopted caused me to be more aware of my unique individuality and temperament. My dreams and fantasies became dominated by ghostly images of my birth mother, and the idea of connecting with her became a spiritual goal. 

From a humorous standpoint, I was pleased to know I was adopted and quick to distance myself from my adopted parents whenever they did something embarrassing in public.

Judith Land, Author of Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

“This is an extraordinarily riveting story. I was immediately drawn in and could not put the book down. The narrative is structured so that the suspense never lets up as the discovery process unfolds. There are many surprises, redemptive moments, and amazing human complexities revealed throughout. As an adoptive parent, I really valued the author’s honest reflections on her struggles and her serious and thoughtful critique of the institution of adoption.” Anne Bernard Becker