Have you ever dreamed of reconnecting with someone from your past?

Adoption Detective | Judith Land | Curious

“Extraordinary people are life long learners perpetually trying to improve themselves by making reading part of their daily life. Individuals hoping to reconnect with the lost should learn to follow the good example and develop the same character traits of other highly successful people when thinking about initiating an adoption search.”  —Judith Land

 

Do you have a curious nature? Have you ever dreamed about an old flame, a child, a sibling, a parent, a friend or a neighbor and wondered where they are today, or if they’re even still alive? In your mind, what would ensure a successful reunion with that person?

Success is the result of a competitive drive in the pursuit of a dream. Highly successful people in every profession exhibit many of the same personal attributes and character traits that produce winning results. Successful people have willpower and the desire to get something accomplished. They have vision and purpose and aren’t afraid to take risks. They maintain a positive attitude and trust their intuition to overcome the impossible through dogged perseverance. They have a burning desire to succeed, self-discipline, the strength to begin and the courage to continue and they aren’t afraid to work outside their comfort zones. They are doers and not talkers who look ahead and remain focused and passionate about achieving their goals. They’re not anchored to the past and don’t wait for conditions to be perfect before taking action. Extraordinary people are life long learners who make reading part of their daily life. A sure sign of someone extraordinary is the enthusiasm and passion they have for living life and accomplishing their dreams. They are good communicators that aren’t easily influenced by the thoughts and opinions of others because they know what it is they want. They have self-esteem and confidence. They never blame others and make excuses. They live healthy lives, nurture positive relationships and display enthusiasm for accomplishing their goals. Successful people have ambition and a desire to accomplish something.

The recovery of a true self-identity for adoptees and their parents has the potential to increase self-confidence, feelings of being healed, and an enhanced sense of inner peace. The process of searching can be difficult and emotionally heartbreaking when events don’t pan out as expected. There are no guarantees in life—some reunions result in candid discussions, forgiveness, openness, joy, and nurturing friendships, while others don’t. To improve the chance of a successful reunion, individuals hoping to reconnect with the lost should emulate the characteristics of successful people to help them stay centered, flexible and more in control, as well as tolerate conflict, stay focused and achieve their dreams. I admire successful people worldwide who provide value to others and sympathize with those seeking friendships and authenticity through reunions.

Judith Land

 

http://www.judithlandadoptiondetective.com

Posted in Adoption, Children, Parenting, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

“Adoption reunions and personal confidence”

Judith Land | Adoption Detective | Confidence

“Confidence is the full trust and belief in the power, trustworthiness, and reliability of someone in their ability to succeed. Believing in oneself and our abilities is what leads to self-reliance and self-assurance.”  —Judith Land

Confidence is the state of feeling certain about the truth that leads to positive feelings of self-assurance and trust in our abilities, qualities and judgment that leads to higher self-esteem, feelings of good health, and ways of staying more in touch with others in a social context. When we see value in our own self-worth it helps us act with composure and assertiveness and feel more at peace with the world. Confidence is what helps us find the strength of mind to understand the psychology of human destiny that demonstrates how anyone can improvise or change their life script to make a happy ending.

Preparation for an adoption reunion requires an advanced understanding of complex issues, human behavior, performance and attitudes. The ability to recognize some aspects of ourselves in others, to know someone we look like with similar personalities, physical characteristics, talents, and intellect, are intriguing to many adoptees but overcoming personal fears, uncompromising bureaucracies, foreign languages, and cultural differences requires fortitude in the face of adversity and the courage to overcome the things that frighten us. Opportunities to meet a biological parent or child are unique once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that require forethought and groundwork. The process of conducting an adoption search requires resilience to conquer adversity, perseverance to overcome injustice, and persistence to achieve our goals and make our dreams come true. Reunions have the potential to enhance the lives of many adoptees, even if sustained relationships aren’t possible, but without sufficient confidence the fearful individual may never achieve their objective. Confidence is what gives us the strength of mind to understand the psychology of human destiny that demonstrates how we can improvise or change our life script to make a happy ending—but in order to achieve success we also need to learn what to say after we say, “Hello!”

Confidence is a universal and timeless human attribute associated with success worldwide in all aspects of life. Positive results are achieved when we have the confidence to be true to ourselves; we are proactive; we envision what we want in the future; we seek first to understand and then to be understood; we combine the strength of others; and we seek continuous improvement and positive outcomes.

Judith Land

 

http://www.judithlandadoptiondetective.com

 

Posted in Adoption, Parenting, Relationships | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

“Adoption—Fairytales and Tarradiddles”

Juith Land | Adoption Detective | Fairytales | Tarradiddles

“Deception is a recurring theme in modern philosophy. Deception and beguilement are acts of bad faith that propagate beliefs of things that are not true, or not the whole truth. Acts of concealment and deception that purposely mislead or misinform participants violate romantic and relational rules. Deliberate deceptions in criminal law are the basis of fraud.” —Judith Land

Have you ever been deceived by someone not telling the truth?

Most children are subjected to the deceit of others through the telling of fairytales and tarradiddles based on a surreal mix of fact and fantasy, improbable images, marvelous dreams, creative fantasies, half truths and tall stories. Many fairytales that are beloved and enduring contain pretentious nonsense that intentionally exaggerates the truth to teach moral lessons. But, when a story is intentionally fabricated to deceive a child into believing something false there is reason for concern. Parents who jealously denigrate other parents and grandparents through exaggeration and fabrication of stories are a form of mental indoctrination that leads to parental alienation.

There is a time and place beyond the age of reason, when children attain the use of reason and begin to have moral responsibility when stories need to be more realistic, candid, truthful, authentic and accurate—a time when parents need to be honest, factual and sincere. No individual is a permanent child in need of lifelong supervision and protection. Children eventually grow to become responsible mature adults fully capable of making their own decisions. Those who experience an emotional need for a curative and breakthrough reality to make sense of their disrupted life stories seek understanding and wisdom. They believe in self-determinism and view opportunities to learn about the past as natural, healthy, beneficial and appropriate. Moral authority necessitates the existence and adherence to truth premised on principles, fundamental laws and truths that are applied through the conscience of each individual.

Concealment has potential to lead to many happy years of childhood, safe and secure in the knowledge that a child is a valued member of the family. But, if they ever learn the truth later in life, how can they ever trust anything else that you say? Their image of who they thought they were is shattered like a soap bubble bursting in air that leaves the child permanently devastated, angry and resentful. The truth of his or her being is nothing but a lie. Trust is lost forever. What they previously felt as the essence of their being is gone in a flash, never to be returned. It isn’t easy being adopted. Rationalizing who they are and dealing with whispered feelings of rejection and inadequacy are much harder for adopted children to overcome. On the other hand, adoptees who know that they are adopted understand that they have a distant past. They realize that something otherworldly and important is missing from their life that makes them different from the rest of their adoptive family, but not necessarily in a bad way. Knowing that their parents are proud of them and comforted by the feeling they are special because their parents chose them are believable and positive reactions. Ultimately, the difference between truth and tarradiddles leaves me to believe that honesty is the best policy.

Judith Land

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

 

Posted in Adoption, Children, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

“Adoption—Do writers live a dog’s life?”

Adoption Detective | Judith Land

“Writers should never fear getting old because unlike professional athletes whose performances decline with age, authors continue to learn, gain in wisdom, profit from insight, benefit from reflection and improve with age.” Judith Land

Writing is a concentrated form of thought describing what obsesses us—ideas that are essential to our well-being—images that are burning to get out. Books on adoption, family and parenting have noticeably increased in recent years. The Internet has seen explosive growth in participation because it provides a public forum for the open exchange of ideas that provides an opportunity for anyone to say something important without restraint or restrictions. We write because we have something to say. And then, with the click of a computer key, share it with the world.

Authors say that writing is the most fun you can have by yourself—a path to inner peace and solace—but anyone who has ever written a book or memoir knows that you have to “work like a dog.” Centuries ago dogs lived difficult unpleasant lives as herders, hunters and watchdogs. They were fed scraps, slept outdoors and died young. The expression “living a dog’s life” had negative connotations of punishment and repression but over time the meaning changed. Today, dogs are raised as pets, indulged with every comfort and treated with kindness. They are coddled, spoiled, and groomed. They are taken on vacations, driven around in cars, featured in photo books and given comfortable beds. They are fed nutritious meals that help them stay healthier and live longer. They live a good life and a pampered existence in exchange for unconditional friendship. We all know pleasant environments stimulate our senses, help us clarify our thoughts, and aid production. Without a high level of concentration in a setting conducive to writing, certain ideas can never reach fruition. What about you? Does your lifestyle more closely resemble the life of the classic working dog or a modern pampered pet?

Adoption stories that enrich the lives of others are tales of childhood that describe the struggles the main characters face and the life-changing events they endure. Writers are motivated to tell adoption stories because they resonate with people of all ages and cultures. In order to succeed they must work like dogs to organize and transcribe their thoughts, create blogs, and freely express themselves. They exchange ideas with others for a variety of reasons—to add value and worth to their lives; to experience the joy of fabricating something of significance; to bring new ideas to life; to solve a mystery; to enjoy the creative process and gain the satisfaction of educating, entertaining and inspiring others.

Authors who are uniquely gifted speak with clarity in a lush descriptive voice that draws the reader into the moment to help them see what matters. Their stories resonate widely because they know that the greatest motivation for humankind is the pursuit of meaning and purpose, not happiness and simple pleasures. Aspiring writers must initially accept the lifestyle of the traditional “working dog” before they can achieve the reward of a better future and a pampered life.

To writers and dog lovers everywhere—I wish you Godspeed.

Judith Land

 

 

Author website: http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

 

Posted in Adoption, Life, Parenting, Relationships | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

“Adoption—we cry because we are human”

Adoption Detective | Judith Land | Crying

Emotional tears associated with feelings of sadness, grief, fear, remorse, and happiness originate from the heart; they well up inside us and spill out whenever we can’t contain them. They are nature’s way of exposing the truth by letting others know how we truly feel about the events in our lives.

“Tears are like sparkling silver ingots, tiny oblong droplets of salt water glinting small flashes of light that soothe emotional pain like cold water on a burn.” Judith Land

Crying is a natural response to sorrow and frustration and a way of outwardly expressing our feelings and deepest heartfelt emotions. When someone is crying, their tears speak for themselves; no one has to ask what they’re feeling, or to explain anything. Tears help to reveal the truth and play an important role in communication as a way of sharing more than words that stimulates empathy in the mind of others. Crying is a sign that we are alive and a mechanism that can save relationships in distress. Crying lowers blood pressure, relieves stress, reduces magnesium in the blood, and has beneficial results that improve emotional, physical, and mental health. When we don’t cry emotional stresses have negative effects on the mind, the heart, and the body.

Most often we cry because we fear we made a mistake with regrettable consequences. We feel sad for the depraved and the lonely, not only in response to our own pain, shame, and embarrassment but because we’re moved to tears by other people’s sadness, too. Feelings of empathy trigger sympathetic tears because of what happened to another person. It is normal to react emotionally to events that are consequential and pivotal, even when a story has a happy fairytale ending. We cry when the development of events are beyond a person’s control; the course of someone’s life is inexplicably altered; the outcome of a particular situation is detrimental; and negative outcomes are inescapable. Some individuals cry tears of happiness as they reflect on their good fortune and the positive benefits adoption has provided; others don’t feel as fortunate. Even when adoption is the only choice, the separation of anonymous children from faceless unnamed parents seems unnatural. Regardless of why it happened and the severity of the post traumatic stress that may occur, separation is a heart wrenching life-altering event associated with great sadness for many adoptees that leaves them feeling downhearted, forlorn and dispirited. Their tears aren’t a symptom of weakness; they offer proof that they are human.

Have you ever noticed that you feel less sad and angry after a good cry? Some individuals believe that crying is beneficial to health and mental well being, that tears can be highly therapeutic and a potent healing experience. So the next time you experience sadness, grief, fear, regret and remorse, and feel tears welling up inside you, know that it is okay to release those heartfelt feelings of misery, despair, pain, and excessive happiness by having a good cry. Don’t be afraid to let the world know how you feel—go ahead and release those tears.

Judith Land, Adoptee

 

 

Adoption Detective

adopción | adoção | adoptim | adopzioa | usvojenje | přijetí | vedtagelse | Verabschiedung

Posted in Adoption, Children, Parenting, Relationships | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

Adoption—can happiness be learned?

Federico_Andreotti_-_The_Love_Letter | Judith Land | Adoption Detective

La lettera d’amore (the love letter) by Federico Andreotti. “Perhaps, the world would be a happier place if more people sent old fashioned heartwarming handwritten love letters on irresistible perfumed stationary as proof of their love.” Judith Land 

Yes, happiness can be learned. Our involvement in activities has a direct bearing on our state of mind, level of joy, amusement, satisfaction, gratification, euphoria, and triumph. Happiness is an emotional state largely derived from encountering unexpected serendipitous events, seeing a significant other, and when basking in the acceptance and praise of others. Enjoying tasty food and warm baths bring us pleasure. Participating in challenging activities promotes engagement. Belonging to something bigger than self and participating in a quest provides meaning to our lives. The realization of tangible goals triggers a positive sense of accomplishment and well-being. Staying healthy is a key factor for remaining cheerful, lighthearted, and living longer. Social ties and relationships are a reliable indicator of a good nature and a merry disposition.

Heredity determines to some degree our level joyfulness (based on twin studies) but life circumstances and situations can equally influence our personality and level of exuberance. The remainder is subject to self-control based on the activities we pursue and the friends that surround us. Ultimately, our sense of well-being, contentment, quality of life, and the opportunity to flourish are the sum of all the decisions we make and the lifestyle we choose. Smiles and jubilance are elicited when our curiosity is cultivated, our expectations are reasonable and attainable, and we practice the art of forgiveness. Our mood and level of contentment are enhanced when linked to competence, autonomy, relatedness to others, and success in the workplace. There is a positive link between spiritual and religious commitment.

Innate forces beyond their basic needs drive ‘self-actualizing’ people to explore and strive to reach their full human potential. As a result, they have more opportunities for peak experiences, profound moments of love, understanding, and happiness, that makes them feel more whole, alive, self sufficient, and connected with others. Understanding and sharing the building blocks that are the foundation of true happiness are ultimately how we learn to improve ourselves and help other wandering souls overcome the strife of separation and build a better life.

“Sustainable happiness is achieved when we learn to manufacture our own sunshine.”

Judith Land, Author & Adoptee

 

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

hyväksyminen | antagande | adopsjon | vedtagelse | adoptie | Verabschiedung | ग्रहण

 

Posted in Adoption, Life, Parenting, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

“Adoption and self-determinism”

edward-steed-a-man-on-a-raft-paddles-away-from-a-desert-island-with-a-tree-stump-and-p-new-yorker-cartoon

When is the last time something struck you as being funny? Finding humor in daily circumstances adds joy to our lives. “A man on a raft paddles away” by Edward Steed is a highly amusing cartoon because it epitomizes self-determinism, independent behavior, and freedom of choice. Which character are you?

Self-determinism is a basic God-given right and a natural freedom inherent in all people, regardless of the circumstances under which we live. Greek philosophers identified self-determinism as the capacity to manage one’s own affairs, make one’s own judgments, provide for oneself, and the independent determination of one’s own fate and course of action; the power and the ability to make a decision for oneself without intimidation, constraint, compulsion, influence from the outside, and immunity from the arbitrary exercise of authority; an ancient doctrine based on the concept of a free will and the principle that everyone has the right to be the authors of their own lives and make their own choices.

Some things in life happen out of necessity. Other events happen by chance, but chance is uncertain. Our own actions are voluntary and within us; they happen naturally based on our innate tendencies. Our actions are autonomous and this special ability to choose makes us morally responsible. It is to these actions we attach praise and blame. Individuals uncertain about which alternative to choose are vulnerable to outside influences, coercion, intimidation, and promises of a better life that may drive them to make compulsive moral choices they may later regret.

Children don’t have the right of self-determinism. Their freedom is restricted. They aren’t allowed to do as they please. Sovereignty is reserved and independence is withheld from them. They are subservient to those who have dominion over them but some parents hoping to do what’s best may be guilty of prosaic influences leading to parental alienation and xenophobia parentis. Excessive control may lead to over reliance, trigger feelings of defeatism and isolation, and lead some adoptees to view the historical practice of secrecy and concealment of their true identity as medieval and the falsification of birth records to prevent them from knowing their origin, cultural heritage, biological family members, and detailed medical history as Orwellian. At what age should adopted children be emancipated and given the freedom to control their own lives? When they reach the age of reason, as fully functioning adults will the mysteries of the past be alluring to them? Will they have a desire to retrace their steps through the labyrinth of life in the sands of time as an expression of self-determinism?

The world is littered with individuals haunted by the past, shackled by the burdens of secrecy and separated from their lost because it was necessary, by chance, or because someone chose a different path for them. Perhaps, there would be more happiness in the world if more people exercised their natural right of self-determinism and fewer people exploited the weak by exerting their dominance over them. To everyone facing a difficult future; seeking reconciliation and forgiveness; carrying the heavy burdens of a troubled past; confronted by a pivotal event; and beginning a journey of hope with uncertainty, I respect your natural right of self-determinism and wish you God-speed.

Judith Land

 

adoção | adopción | Verabschiedung | aanneming | adozione | 采纳 | 양자 | làm con nuôi

Other blogs by Judith Land | Adoption Detective

 

Posted in Adoption, Life, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments