“When there are no lingering doubts in your mind and you are confident the outcome is certain there’s nothing to be lionhearted about.” Judith Land
Its pub weather and I’m thinking about you and the thousands of other adoptees and their birth mothers and fathers spread across the world today. Imagine a day when the reasons to quit don’t outnumber the reasons why some people drink—a day when you’re uncertain whether to cry because something regrettable and sorrowful happened long-ago or smile because the unpleasant events of a bygone era have remained hidden but not forgotten. Its pub weather today and unconscious sufferers wander aimlessly when there is no place to go on those darkened days when their tears make the flowers grow. There’s a deep sadness inside that never seems to go away. When you are all alone your heart beats like a heavy stone. Being the only one is disparaging and cruel when you’re perched alone on a barstool. Gin makes your head spin and wine makes you feel sublime. There is no way to atone for past mistakes; makes you feel lost in doubt knowing there’s no way out. Lady Justice is a moral force. Her attributes are a blindfold, a balance scale and a sword. The tipping point on the scale of life determines the contrast between enjoying the sunshine and drinking moonshine by the weight of a single grain of sand.
The world still goes on, even if you fall behind. Imagine what it is like sitting in the darkness trying to get through pub weather. There’s a deep sadness inside that never seems to ebb or flow or unremittingly go away. Some days it seems there’s no way out and no road home, days when you’re lost in self-doubt, feeling lonesome, insecure and all alone. All you can do is hope to find your consolation and wonder if lamented love will come along before your time is done. When you discover that life is fragile you have to remind yourself to breath deeply and cautiously watch your step as you plod along life’s path. Beware of darkness and inky black thoughts that linger inside your head during the darkest and dreariest of waking hours when despair is deeply imbedded as if by design, forever lingering, never to be buried or put to rest. Respect and honor being gone, learn to seek mercy and forgiveness and steer clear of moody weather that gives birth to endless blackened nights. Eventually, you reach the point in time when unworldly strangers say, “Get over it. It is time to move on.” Spending a life in the boondocks searching for answers to questions that aren’t easy to find sows a doleful existence that is endlessly forlorn. Questions made more complicated with multiple queries on your mind—especially the ones that lead you to ask, “How hard will it be to find my way back to you again?”
Are you tired of pub weather and the foreboding dispirited feelings it brings? Why not choose sunshine and laughter over tears and beers and shun moonshine and off color chatter. Learn to be entertained by the amber glow of dusk, the Milky Way and clear nights. Wake at dawn, happily bless the early morning light, and cultivate a progressive hope that everything in the world will eventually be all right. When you hear the howling wind gaining force don’t be afraid. Instead, see delight above your head in ephemeral clouds building shifting canyons and valleys in darkened thunderous gray and brilliant wispy white. Imagine a day when everything turns out okay. Knowing that you have not been forgotten causes a fountainhead of innate sentiments of tenderness, curiosity, warmth and love. So, why not dare to dream, take a chance, and challenge fate? Perhaps, someone estranged long ago will persevere in the coming year by fulfilling his or her dream of eventually catching a glimpse of you.