I needed spontaneous love and assurance at that moment because it was disappointing knowing that Rosella was not my mother. I reacted tentatively. I internalized my opinions and feelings, and my body language remained rigid. I was uncomfortable, and I had difficulty expressing myself. I was baffled. Why was I adopted? I was curious if any of my girlfriends were adopted. I was happy knowing that my parents chose me because I was special.
Still, in hindsight, I wondered if the deepest part of my brain was already conscious of our genetic dissimilarities. Knowing that I was adopted caused me to be more aware of my unique individuality and temperament. My dreams and fantasies became dominated by ghostly images of my birth mother, and the idea of connecting with her became a spiritual goal.
From a humorous standpoint, I was pleased to know I was adopted and quick to distance myself from my adopted parents whenever they did something embarrassing in public.
“This is an extraordinarily riveting story. I was immediately drawn in and could not put the book down. The narrative is structured so that the suspense never lets up as the discovery process unfolds. There are many surprises, redemptive moments, and amazing human complexities revealed throughout. As an adoptive parent, I really valued the author’s honest reflections on her struggles and her serious and thoughtful critique of the institution of adoption.” Anne Bernard Becker
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