The 4th Side of the Adoption Triangle

“The adoption triangle is a 2-dimensional shape with three sides. A simple pyramid is 3-dimensional shape with four triangular sides congruent.” Judith Land

“The adoption process is an economic pyramid scheme—keep piling on money until it’s finished. Some adoptions are like an Egyptian pyramid with thousands of stones piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, accomplished by brute force by a small army of bureaucrats. The lightest participant should always be placed at the top of a human pyramid but be reminded that a child positioned at the apex of a pyramid has a long way to fall.” Judith Land

Three is a symbol of completeness. Time is divided into the past, present, and future. Three is a number favored in art, as well as science, with three primary colors, three points required to locate a point in space, and three notes to form a musical cord. The Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, are one God in three Divine persons. The Triad represents the whole as it contains the beginning, a middle, and an end.

In the state of Wisconsin people often respond to a question vaguely using the phrase, “A couple two-three!” 

“How many donuts did you eat? How many beers did you drink? How many games will the Chicago Bears win this year?”

“Oh, a couple 2-3.”

“And how many sides are there to the Adoption Triangle?” 

“Oh, a couple 4-5 sides.”

Thinking that this novel way of communicating was technically imprecise but rather humorous, I kept asking myself, “How can that be?” until it dawned on me that there was some truth to their way of thinking.

In addition to the birth parents, adoptive parents, and the adoptee, there is an endless procession of helpers; assistants; government bureaucrats; social workers; extended family members; foster parents; lawyers; judges; legal staff; psychiatrists; counselors; doctors and medical assistants; your other children; close friends; grandparents; mentors; research associates; neighbors; religious leaders; advisors; bankers; scientists; international agencies; and politicians with a unique perspective, points of view, influence on the process, and a stake in the outcome.

Using this Midwest way of reasoning, lacking conventional wisdom and exactness, the Adoption Triad would be more appropriately named the“Adoption Salad Bowl Committee”or the “Amalgamated Polyhedron Adoption Pyramid” as a term of endearment.

Is anyone else feeling a little less serious today?

Judith Land


About Judith Land

Judith Land lives in Colorado and Arizona with husband and coauthor Martin Land. Judith is a former nurse, retail shop owner, college instructor and avid outdoor person. Her book "Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child" is a true story detailing the journey of Judith Romano, foster child and adoptee, as she discovers fragments of her background, and then sets out to solve the mystery as an adult. She has reached readers in 192 countries. "Mothers and fathers everywhere in the world need to understand that children are forever and always." --Judith Land
This entry was posted in adopted, adoptee, Adoption, Children, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to The 4th Side of the Adoption Triangle

  1. ginny09 says:

    Please read this bill passed in Congress, Feb. 2018. Does ANYONE have knowledge, that this bill may stop adoption practices?

  2. As I read this post the first time, I was immediately intrigued by some strange mystery that was waiting for me to open. Nice.

    • Judith Land says:

      Thank you for your comment. I grew up with an idealistic spirit with a widespread belief in an amazing future that was just around the corner, much like the image of a winter scene in the Bernese Oberland in the Swiss Alps, an idealized version of humanity depicting a futuristic utopia, where everyone is educated and thoughtful and kind, working together to improve life for everyone—a world where everyone is virtuous, fair-minded, and kind.

      • Sometimes raw, cold winds occur in the mountains–not telling you anything new–we just have to work through them.:)

      • Judith Land says:

        Are you tired of the raw cold winds and the foreboding dispirited feelings it brings? That’s what E refers to as “Pub Weather” when your heart beats like a heavy stone. When there is no way to atone for past mistakes; makes you feel lost in doubt knowing there’s no way out. The world still goes on, even if you fall behind. The tipping point on the scale of life determines the contrast between enjoying the sunshine and drinking moonshine by the weight of a single grain of sand. We all look forward to sunshine and laughter to replace the tears and beers and off color chatter.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.