Some adoptees are like glass—opaque, darkened, and difficult to see through. The past is mysterious, paradoxical and unfathomable to them. Their lives are confusing, ambiguous and semi-transparent. Relationships are perplexing and contradictory and events of yesteryear are obscure and incomprehensible because the truth has been hidden from them. Incongruity creates confusion and a solicitous sense of abandonment.
They stand by the window forlornly looking through the pane (pain) on an overly melancholic kind of day, wondering if the raw feelings of spiritual emptiness that plagues their soul will ever wane. Their memories are cloaked in haziness and mist. They shroud and veil their sense of being and hide their unfeigned emotions about the pivotal events in the springtime of their life because the memories of the earliest days are distressing, blurred, and abstracted. Their external facade is an illusion, a pretense, and a masquerade manifested to conceal their lonely countenance from others. They are as fragile as stained glass, colorful and nice to look at, and opaque enough to allow others to see through the cracks and stains and cobwebs, but not enough to truly know the soul of the human being inside.
Not knowing their true self-identity, place of origin, culture, language, dynasty, and heritage are troubling and make it difficult for them to crystalize and elucidate their deepest thoughts. Images of the past stimulates a nostalgic sense of a bygone era, a disharmonious time that stirs up murkiness, mysteriousness, and dreams. Thinking about the life and relationships they might have had, or wished for, creates a clash between their public persona and their subconscious mind. Who were the individuals from long ago, they wonder, that so drastically altered life’s trajectory through no fault of their own? Why did this happen? Who will love them now? Will the joys of other kindred souls, bringing the gifts of unconditional love and grace today, be enough to help them make it through the day, and overcome the perils and obstacles still lingering from yesterday?
Adoption has many facets on all sides of the adoption triangle with enduring collateral side effects that may last an entire lifetime. When a true self-identity is lacking, relationships may turn sour, become toxic, or even go missing altogether, leaving many wanders and seekers prone to falling through the trapdoor of despondency. Lacking energy and focus, they may have trouble maintaining concentration, spontaneity, or interest in life. Their hearts are as brittle as glass, and when shattered, they are at of risk of being left alone from here on after to pick up all the pieces in solitude. When we see their pain, do we look the other way and feign not to know—or sincerely ask ourselves, “What can I do to help this wandering soul overcome the strife of separation and build a better life?”
Judith Land, Adoptee
adopción | verabschiedung | 采纳 | adozione | 양자 | تبني | a ghlacadh | benimseme