Big Dreamers

“To make our dreams come true, we must pursue them. Big dreamers are visionaries who seek a purpose in life. Dreams identify desires, desires produce determination, and determination leads to our destiny. Those who believe in the beauty of their dreams are more powerful than others with all the resources.” Judith Land 

“Dreams of adoptees may suggest unresolved issues or fears of abandonment and rejection from the birth mother or caregiver. They may also indicate a desire for more understanding and closeness.” Judith Land

Dreams expose the soul’s inner sanctum, representing our unconscious desires—experiences we wish to avoid and those we yearn to live. Our minds create stories and images, incorporating present experiences and past events to define future outcomes.

Adoptees dream of an idealized, natural, safe life free from worry and strife. They speculate about their family displacement, immense changes in their social environment, family tree, network of friends, and an unforeseen deviation from their natural path. Emotional thoughts during the day occupy their dreams at night. Intense emotions lead to vivid dreams. Emotional stress disrupts sleep patterns. A disturbed mental state causes them to dream frequently and vividly—dreams that often seem forever. Dreams spark their imagination and expose their deepest fears. Dreaming exposes their inner being, solidifies their core beliefs and perspectives, and reveals the truth of objectionable relationships. Dreams are how adoptees learn about their identity, define who they are, and understand what they need to live a fulfilling life.

Vivid dreaming occurs when our brain is most active. Vivid dreams highlight and expose your inner being and sometimes include pleasant or meaningful experiences, like soaring through the sky or conversing with a missing loved one. Dreaming helps you process your emotions by consolidating and analyzing memories of unresolved issues. They reveal your deepest fears, attributes, and passions, which help interpret who you are. If you feel unfulfilled, undervalued, or not the person you want to be, your dreams will often reflect that.

Lucid dreaming, a captivating phenomenon, offers adoptees a unique opportunity for self-exploration and problem-solving. This state of conscious awareness during sleep can be a powerful tool for adoptees dealing with complex issues. It allows them to practice skills, creatively solve problems, and even confront emotional trauma, fears, and nightmares. It serves as a personal rehearsal space, preparing them for the various situations and challenges that may arise during the day.

Visions that arrive as dreams are monumental milestones that influence future outcomes. Visions create awareness of something that hasn’t happened yet but has the potential to occur in the future. They contain fundamental ideas with concrete applications. Adoptees subconsciously hoping to reunite with a biological mother and close relatives may be more prone to experience visions stimulated by intense emotions. Meeting previously unknown family members is often a highly emotional, once-in-a-lifetime reunion that may shock, astonish, and take away the participants’ breath.

Precognitive dreams, often viewed as psychic predictions or premonitions of potential future outcomes and events, can hold a profound symbolic significance. They are a window into our subconscious thoughts, emotions, and experiences. While some may dismiss them as mere wishful thinking, others believe they are a manifestation of karma, luck, or even the timing of future events written in the stars. Scientists, however, see them as a potential tool for personal growth. They encourage us to revisit these dreams, delve deeper into their meaning, and unlock their potential insights. These insights can be precious for adoptees in their journey of self-discovery and understanding.

Dreams represent unconscious desires and wishes that provide insights into the subconscious mind, revealing hidden truths about our lives. For instance, a dream about falling could indicate a fear of failure. In contrast, a flying dream could symbolize a desire for freedom. Dreams stem from our imagination, abstract thoughts, memories, and wishes. Paying attention to your subconscious mind helps unravel the hidden messages in your dreams.

Everyone wants to live with good memories, not bad dreams. The road to success and happiness is nearly the same as the road to failure and disappointment. The sky is big and blue. Do not live like a bird with a broken wing that cannot fly. Embrace who you are. If you are an adoptee with conflicted emotions, follow your dreams to shape a purpose-driven life and find direction and meaning. Big dreamers have an unyielding determination that keeps them moving forward, no matter how tough the journey gets.

“Sharing my innermost thoughts and private emotions with a worldwide audience is difficult. Writing an autobiography requires me to dig deep and explore my most profound feelings, which can expose my vulnerabilities and sensitive areas. However, the fact that my writing has reached readers in 193 countries is both gratifying and humbling simultaneously.” – Judith Land

Striving for a “Purpose-Driven” Life

“Life is about creating yourself. Adoption shouldn’t result in a lifetime of finding yourself. Adoptees should strive to ‘create’ themselves to live a purpose-driven life. Don’t let the past hold you back. Everyone can choose their friends, vocations, and education.” Judith Land

“A purpose-driven life is based on pursuing and attaining worthwhile goals. When we pursue and attain worthy goals, we feel fulfillment. Actively working towards something that aligns with our values gives our lives meaning. This sense of purpose and accomplishment contributes to our overall well-being and satisfaction in life.” Judith Land

Life is a temporary assignment in preparation for eternal life. Living with a purpose gives you direction, focuses energy, and motivates you. Purpose and goal setting are vital to success—those who aspire to achieve lead to a healthier, longer, and happier life. Building positive friendships along the way truly enriches our lives.

Leaders inspire rather than sway followers. They have determination and perseverance. They stay focused on their goals. They are more resilient, highly organized, and unafraid of challenging work. They are motivated and never give up easily. Their sense of purpose incentivizes them to work hard to accomplish their goals defined by lifelong learning and a worthy vocation. 

One of the most telling signs that you’ve found your niche is when what you’re doing gives you a deep sense of satisfaction, knowing that your work, actions, and contributions are meaningful. If you are an adoptee contemplating the meaning of life, start with reflection: practice mindfulness, gratitude, and altruism to generate meaning and purpose.

Confidence, persistence, organization, getting along, and emotional resilience are the keys to a quality life. Purpose-driven individuals are happier. They are warm, considerate, respectful, helpful, and pleasant. They do not envy, jealousy, gossip, or complain. They use positive rather than negative language. Happy people focus on what works rather than what is problematic.

As an adoptee, strive for meaning and fulfillment in your actions. Strive to make a positive impact on the world. Set and pursue meaningful goals that lead to deep satisfaction and contentment. Setting meaningful goals provides direction and focus, creating deep satisfaction and fulfillment. When we have a clear purpose and work towards achieving our goals, we experience a profound sense of accomplishment and contentment, knowing that our actions and contributions have meaning and positively impact the world.

Judith Land

Reoccurring visions and fantasies of her birth mother plague Judy’s consciousness for three decades until a life-changing passage into adulthood causes her to question why she was abandoned. What begins as a simple investigation into her medical and ancestral history slowly evolves into a passionate quest to discover her roots. Judy eventually solves the mystery of her origins through good timing, perseverance, and a few small miracles. But will the woman she has been seeking welcome Judy back into her life?

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

 

Creating a Positive Self-Image

“Self-image is the primary cause of success and failure in life. Build a winner’s self-image to live a positive life. Be kind and encouraging to yourself. Spend time with supportive people. Encourage yourself. Remind yourself what you have learned. Everything changes when you alter the image and focus on the positive.” Judith Land 

“Mr. Frog has a positive self-image. He blows kisses at everyone he greets. His expressions of love, compassion, happiness, and humor are contagious. His positive self-image brightens his day but also profoundly impacts those around him. People who encounter Mr. Frog are inspired to spread love and kindness, creating positivity throughout the community.” Judith Land

Creating a positive self-image is about discovering your true self, exploring your interests, and drawing inspiration from positively-minded people. Creating a better life means clearly defining your goals, aspirations, and positive outcomes. A positive self-image leads to higher aspirations and positive outcomes. Purpose and direction motivate our activities and stimulate action. We acquire a sense of grace and pride by changing our appearance and way of thinking. Having a purpose in life promotes physical health, mental health, and happiness, and the effort and courage to succeed leads to winning results.

Creating a positive self-image is the key to a better life; it’s the gateway to empowerment. With a positive self-image, we recognize our assets and potential and embrace our shortcomings and limitations. Self-awareness is associated with higher self-esteem, affirmations, and healthy lifestyle behaviors. When we are comfortable with our image, we feel more confident and comfortable with our uniqueness. We take better care of ourselves and manage our emotions, empowering us to take charge of our lives.

Compassion is a virtue we extend to others and a gift we can give ourselves. Applying the golden rule to yourself and everyone is not just a powerful act; it’s an act of self-love and respect. In the context of self-image, it means treating yourself with the same kindness, respect, and understanding you would extend to others. Self-image is a growing belief about yourself and a powerful tool that helps you cope successfully with life’s events and positively contribute to others’ lives. By practicing self-love and respect, you acknowledge your worth and value, which is essential for a positive self-image.

Self-image is our mental picture of ourselves, our perceived identity, confidence, self-esteem, and compassion. Positive self-image is about carrying yourself confidently, making eye contact, sitting up straight, using body language, and smiling. To improve your self-image, practice positive self-talk, set achievable goals, surround yourself with encouraging people, and engage in activities that make you feel confident. Assertiveness and acceptance of challenges are also key ways to improve our self-image.

Cultural heritage is not just a part of our past; it’s a thread that weaves through our present and future. It gives us a sense of identity and belonging, grounding us in our roots. Knowing something about our ancestors gives us a sense of belonging and self-worth. Understanding our heritage is about our uniqueness, inner beauty, and inherent qualities. Adoptees lacking a cultural heritage may face additional challenges in developing a positive self-image. A lack of family history may cause them to be uncertain and fearful of the future: low self-esteem and confidence stymie happiness, relationships, achievements, and careers. A wholesome self-image leads to emotional stability, positive relationships, and happiness. We can feel more connected and grounded by embracing our cultural heritage, significantly improving our self-image.

Follow Mr. Frog’s example. Breathe profoundly and blow some kisses! Practice gratitude and positivity. Give a compliment. Make people smile! Today is not just a good day; it’s filled with opportunities to create a positive self-image and embrace a brighter, more optimistic future.

Judith Land

“Butterflies remind us that adoption is just the beginning of life’s big adventure, not an ending. Remarkably, nothing in a child’s early life or a little green caterpillar gives a hint of the beauty within. With maturity, both the child and the caterpillar eventually metamorphose into an entirely new form.” —Judith Land

Life is a Tightrope for Adoptees

“Life for adoptees is unpredictable, an endless lesson in humility, a journey across the globe without assurance. Life has risks. Sometimes, being adopted feels like walking a tightrope while relentlessly working against steady currents, high winds, fire, thunder, and lightning. To survive and be happy as an adoptee, you must passionately strive for moral clarity, stay focused, and proceed with caution.” –Judith Land

“Every adoption story is filled with uncertainty—a daring adventure and a hazardous escapade. Action always begins with the imagination. Positive attitudes are essential to achieving our goals. The stronger and clearer our inner visions are, the more likely we are to succeed.” –Judith Land

 

Walking a tightrope is a metaphor for a thrilling life that showcases human performance limits in precarious situations. A tightrope stretched high above the ground indicates someone in a difficult situation—a confused soul teetering over the abyss, fearful of the present and uncertain about the future. Adoptees dealing with problematic situations with uncertain outcomes have many things to think about. Should I adopt? Should I share my medical history with my doctor? Should I research my ancestry? Should I telephone or write? What are the risks and consequences?

Adoption places children in a difficult situation where they must be cautious about what to do and say to satisfy opposing groups. Adoptees conflicted by alternative lifestyles have more things to think about and decisions to make. It is difficult to separate facts from fiction, and the fear of conflict and uncertainty worries them. Negative thoughts and misguided emotions consume their thinking and detract from life’s positive side. Misunderstandings and miscommunication lead to poor choices, distractions, and failure. Achieving equilibrium, a calm state of mind, and clear objectives are essential before moving forward on life’s tightrope. Crossings from one side to the other have lasting consequences, and you must walk softly and never take your eyes off the goal.

So, to live a happy life, hoist the anchor, throw off the bowlines, raise your sails, and catch the trade winds. Carpe diem—pluck the roses in full bloom and seize the day. Enjoy life while you can. Success is possible if you are determined and brave enough to try. Believing in yourself takes courage, determination, and faith. Anything is possible with a positive attitude and the courage to keep trying. Still, it takes faith and imagination to create a better life.

Judith Land

“Judith Romano is a plucky Midwestern orphan who faces adversity and steadfastly refuses to back down until she has found her birth parents. It is impossible to put this book down before it is finished–other adoptees will be greatly inspired to find their own roots.” Jean Patton, mother of the Adoption Reform Movement, founder of Ocean Voyage, and author of The Adopted Break Silence

Life Lessons

“Getting beyond childhood is like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, transforming into something different and beautiful. The caterpillar must abandon its old life and accept its new identity before emerging with its colorful wings to take on the world.” –Judith Land

“A life lesson is a powerful piece of wisdom, knowledge, insight, and self-awareness that you adopt to improve yourself, your relationships, and your life. Experiencing life is how we learn. And the more life you experience, the more lessons you accumulate.” –Judith Land

Adoption and the psychological burden of abandonment are challenging, but you don’t have to be a prisoner of your past. What happened to you was just a lesson, not a life sentence. Don’t get stuck in the past. Life doesn’t have to be about picking up the pieces from here on after. Embrace youth’s lessons and move on.

Life is a continuous journey of self-discovery that requires courage to let go of the old and embrace the new. Maturity means leaving your comfort zone to find more freedom and opportunity. It’s a transformation process that can change you into the person you want to be. Taking risks to pursue your dreams can be scary, but it’s worth it. Life’s journey shapes our destiny. With courage, strength, and determination, you can accomplish anything.

Life lessons are how we understand who we are, what motivates us, and what we want. If you want to fly, you must give up what brings you down. Every swing brings you closer to a home run.

• Money will never solve your real problems.
• Pace yourself.
• You can’t please everyone.
• Your health is your most valuable asset.
• You don’t always get what you want.
• It’s not all about you.
• There’s no shame in not knowing.
• Love is more than a feeling; it’s a choice.

Reoccurring visions and fantasies of her birthmother plague Judy’s consciousness for three decades until a life-changing passage into adulthood causes her to question why she was abandoned. What begins as a simple investigation into her medical and ancestral history slowly evolves into a passionate quest to discover her roots.

 

What is the Adoption Paradox?

“Why don’t adopted kids do as well in school as one would expect from their parents’ higher education level and wealth? Despite the advantages provided by many adoptive parents, their adopted children tend to struggle emotionally and psychologically with more negative behavior and lower academic outcomes than birth children. This observable condition is known as the adoption paradox,” Judith Land. 

“The adoption paradox is an observable condition in children with adoptive parents that results from separating babies from their birth mothers. The primal loss of the birth mother affects the child’s origins of emotional life and relationships with others throughout life—a deep, long-lasting psychological condition known as the primal wound,” Judith Land.

Adoptive parents tend to be married, more affluent, educated, socially conservative, and religious. They are more inclined to work together, listen, and offer moral support and encouragement. They spend more time with their children and stay involved in school functions. Their extra time and resources provide significant economic and social opportunities associated with academic achievement, interpersonal compatibility, and career success.

However, abundant family resources do not always produce excellent outcomes. Many adoptees do not perform as well in school as one would expect from their advantageous home environments. Adoptees tend to display less interest and enthusiasm for academic learning. Despite their advantages, they are more likely to achieve lower scores on reading and math assessments. They tend to be less socially adjusted, display negative attitudes, exhibit problem behavior, and create more conflicts with other students.

The assumption is that deficiencies can be overcome by investing more time and money. So, why don’t adoptive parents’ plentiful resources and strenuous nurturing efforts lead to better classroom conduct and higher achievement? Because adoptive parents’ educational attainments are exceptionally high, the genetic endowment of most children available for adoption is likely to be lower than the intellectual accomplishments and resources of their adoptive parents. When achievement results don’t meet expectations, the condition is known as the adoption paradox—a common phenomenon for adoptive parents.

The lack of a stable maternal bond produces long-lasting social development deficits, which are not easily remedied by a change in home environment, no matter how favorable the circumstances. Regardless of the level of intellectual stimulation and encouragement adoptive parents provide their child, they may not be able to overcome the limitations of the child’s early psychological deprivation, traumatic emotional stress, and genetic heritage. Attachment theory, traumatic stress theory, and behavioral genetics provide some answers. A warm, intimate, and continuous relationship with the birth mother is essential for children’s mental health. The primal wound theory holds that infants who do not develop a stable and secure bond during early childhood are subject to distress reactions and abnormal feelings and exhibit hostile behavior toward others. The severity of their long-term emotional scars depends on the intensity and duration of the stress, effects that a supportive adoptive family may only partly ameliorate. 

Adoptive parents are invaluable in giving children a chance at a better life. They should be praised and supported for their valuable contributions to society. Ultimately, most adoptees enjoy lives far better than those in foster homes and institutions. Watching children grow and blossom into something beautiful and productive over time is highly rewarding. Many adopted children may never reach their full potential without nurturing and a positive environment.

Judith Land

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

 

Are Adoptees More Telepathic?

“Nothing stresses an infant more than maternal separation. Perhaps, when two souls are intertwined, the mother’s loss activates intuitive alarms in the child’s brain that increase the tactile senses, heighten the senses of optics and smell, and trigger a telepathic homing beacon in the infant’s brain as primal acts of self-preservation.” Judith Land

“Telepathy is a feeling, perception, passion, affliction, or experience that is the transmission of information from one person’s mind to another’s without using any known human sensory channels or physical interaction.” Judith Land

Telepathy is knowing what is in someone else’s mind or communicating with someone mentally without using words or other physical signals. The lucid realm and the illusions that your soul magically manifests in sleep can be experienced as telepathic connections with individuals with whom you share natural energy and a deep connection with the embodiment of your soul.

When you breathe deeply and meditate with a clear mind and an open heart, do you experience feelings that help you visualize what someone else is thinking or doing? Have you ever heard a voice in your head or had mental images of what someone was doing that later turned out to be true? Has your sense of smell helped you visualize what someone is cooking or eating and share the same craving? Do songs trigger intense feelings about someone you care about? Have you ever experienced compassion and nurturing feelings running through you in quiet moments of solitude?

Perhaps a sense of loss heightens brain activity, making adoptees more prone to trancelike mental telepathic connections. That’s why some adoptees claim to think about someone before accidentally crossing paths or answering the phone. Are you an adoptee that sometimes glimpses another person’s reality through an image in your mind? Do you occasionally catch others’ thoughts or sense what another is thinking? Is your brain sending signals telling significant others that you are here? This is what it means to share a telepathic connection with someone.

Judith Land

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

 

Empathy for Adoptees

“Empathy is the ability to understand others’ depth of emotion, pain, suffering, and state of mind. The more empathy we exhibit, the more likely we will have positive mental health, higher job performance, leadership skills, positive relationships with others, and a greater sense of well-being throughout life.” Judith Land

“Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s thoughts and feelings from their point of view rather than your own. Empathy differs from sympathy, where another’s thoughts and feelings move one but maintain an emotional distance.” Judith Land

Empathy is listening and seeing combined with emotions, instincts, feelings, and the heart to understand the underlying emotional tones of social interactions. Empathy is recognizing nonverbal communication as the basis for understanding others’ feelings, experiences, imagination, and thoughts that aren’t fully expressed or explicitly communicated verbally. Empathy is the ability and talent to interpret and comprehend another person’s soul to know what is at the core of their emotions, well-being, feelings, and thinking.

As a group, adoptees have more unsettling emotional things to think about, leading to anxiety and unease about self-worth and personal identity. The aftereffects of events long ago make adoptees prone to fears of abandonment, emotional undercurrents and worry about solid long-term relationships. Allowing one’s mind to dwell on difficult situations, relationships, beliefs, and troubles leaves adoptees feeling fragile, sensitive, less confident, and uncertain about life and relationships.

Judith Land

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

“A powerful personal story that belongs in the Pantheon of Adoption Classics. I was deeply moved by the heartbreaking narrative of this adoptee, but at the same time, the mystery buff in me breathlessly turned the pages to find out how or if Judy finally found her truth. As you read this shocking and amazing book, keep reminding yourself: This really happened.” Donna Montalbano

 

 

Surprise Inheritance for an Adoptee

“The fundamental nature of adoptees is exploration because you don’t know what’s out there. Every adoption story is a book that keeps you asking questions and turning the pages to find the answers. Life is an adventure and an unsolved mystery for adoptees, and surprises often come as a bolt from the blue. So, hold onto your inner child and be prepared for anything.” 

The iconic Porsche 911 Carrera Cabriolet ranks highly among luxury sports cars with its elegant lines, exceptional handling, enticing acceleration, and visceral driving experience that was suddenly available to James and his wife—and one of their few newly affordable indulgences.

An older couple of modest means living in a small Midwestern town adopted a boy named James. His adoptive parents falsely informed him that his biological parents were deceased to discourage him from searching. Consequently, he never engaged in ancestral research because the topic didn’t excite him and had no value.   

James married his local teenage sweetheart, sang in the church choir, served as an officer of the local Rotary Club, and promoted high school sports. His goals and ambitions were to run a half marathon, own a business, and enjoy life. He lived on a tight budget, married life was simple, happy, and uncomplicated, and he never strayed far from home.

Still, James’ personal life abruptly changed when he received a call from a Morgan Stanley Financial Advisor in California. 

“I am a friend of your biological father, the executor of his will, and a financial advisor. I am calling to inform you that your biological father died recently. You are the sole beneficiary of his sizable estate, including land, buildings, cash, and investments.” 

Knowing that large inheritances and lottery jackpots is lucky for some and tragic for others allowed James and his wife to make a conscious effort to remain true to their small-town values and upbringing. Ten years later, they have more awesome things, a bigger house and several luxury cars. Still, they live as they always did, keeping up with church, family, and friends. 

Judith Land

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

“A powerful personal story that belongs in the Pantheon of Adoption Classics. I was deeply moved by the heartbreaking narrative of this adoptee, but at the same time, the mystery buff in me breathlessly turned the pages to find out how or if Judy finally finds her truth. As you read this shocking and amazing book, keep reminding yourself: This really happened.” Donna Montalbano

Learning You were Adopted is an Epiphany

“Adoption awareness is a moment of sudden realization and insight—an epiphany. Adults who discover that they were adopted may experience a wide range of emotions, including betrayal, abandonment, despair, and an inability to trust those who kept the secret from them.” Judith Land 

Richard was fifty-five years old when his mother told him he was adopted—shocking. She was ill and casually mentioned the subject shortly before she died.

When Richard learned he was adopted, tears welled up in his eyes. It was an emotional awakening that aroused intense feelings of rejection, mystery, curiosity, and disbelief. He daydreamed of standing in the middle of a battlefield. This moment was his epiphany, a sudden intuitive insight into reality, followed by self-doubt.

His adoptive parents were dark-haired and French, but according to his mother, his original parents were Swedish, which explained why his children were tall, light-haired, and fair-skinned.

Richard was grateful a good family adopted him, but learning that he was adopted was emotionally traumatic, causing him to feel a sense of rejection, relinquishment trauma, grief, curiosity, and loss of his true identity.

“Why didn’t they keep me? Why did you keep this secret from me for so long?” he wondered. Questions his mother never answered.

Judith Land

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com