Adoption—“Letting Go!”

Some adoptees are surrounded with a corona of emotional trauma—a dark ethereal haze that shields them from feeling the warmth of the sun, enjoying the vastness and awe of nature, and appreciating the vivid colors and hue of a golden sunset. They have no idea why their life’s trajectory has been so radically altered and the vexing reasons why the separation from others has occurred. The clothes they are given don’t seem to fit. They sense the presence of a mistaken and a concealed identity. Life is a bewildering array of experiences, thoughts, emotions, events, and people that stimulates thoughts to arise in their heads and emotions in their hearts that aren’t really them.

Letting Go | Judith Land | Adoption Detective

“We are forever evolving and growing. The hardest part about growing up is ‘letting go’ and moving away from our comfort zones and moving on with something untried and new. Holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength but it takes an even greater effort to know when to let go and give up resisting and struggling to hold onto meaningless issues. To live a happy life we must learn to accept unchangeable realities and let go of what was. Truth and wisdom lies in accepting what is, letting go of what was, and having faith in what could be.” Judith Land, Adoptee

Yesterday is a muse that we contemplate in our dreams. Tomorrow is a fantasy conceived in La-La Land. Every dawn is a new day and every wholesome, well-lived moment today, makes every yesterday a pleasant memory of contentment, and every tomorrow an optimistic vision of hope, love and peace. Destiny, providence, and nothing about the life of an adoptee are perfectly understood by them. Life is burdensome, mystifying, and awkward for adoptees who ponder the idea of being nefariously outcast, deliberately wronged, and fortuitously abandoned. Forgiving others is challenging for them when they have no idea why significant others are missing from their lives and where they went. The pain of looking back creates perceptions of being abused and victimized. Past events cannot be controlled and refuse to exit from their minds. It is difficult for them to heal from past experiences when they view themselves as holding the short end of the stick. Memories recirculate in their heads like a catchy tune, phase, song, and marketing jingle that is difficult to forget when all they really want is for their powers of recall and remembrances to disappear.

Living in the past restricts the way many adoptees define themselves and impedes opportunities for enjoying good health and a happy life. We are the sum of our past experiences, thoughts and feelings, but going forward while looking in the rearview mirror prevents many adoptees from alleviating many of the negative symptoms of adoption associated with fear, anger, depression, adoption syndrome and post traumatic stress. In order to fully appreciate the positive, serendipitous, and wholesome moments that may come our way, we need to consciously “let go” of unhealthy attachments, ideas, and the negative events that occur in our daily lives that bedevil and torment our souls.

Emotional wounds caused by neglect, abandonment, and abuse can only be healed by living in the present, cultivating an awareness of who we really are, forgiving others, and concentrating on those things that can actually be changed. To feel fully alive, buoyant about the future, and exhilarated about life, stay engaged in the moment. Make friends. Enjoy nature. Heighten your awareness of your individuality and uniqueness. Be true to yourself by acting in accordance with what you believe. Become the person you always wanted to be.

Judith Land


About Judith Land

Judith Land lives in Colorado and Arizona with husband and coauthor Martin Land. Judith is a former nurse, retail shop owner, college instructor and avid outdoor person. Her book "Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child" is a true story detailing the journey of Judith Romano, foster child and adoptee, as she discovers fragments of her background, and then sets out to solve the mystery as an adult. She has reached readers in 192 countries. "Mothers and fathers everywhere in the world need to understand that children are forever and always." --Judith Land
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