“Adoption—communicating with poems, songs and love letters”

Judith Land - Adoption Detective

“A circle is round. It has no end. That is how long I want to be your friend.”

Many adoptees are preoccupied with deep thoughts of past events that are regrettable. They are prone to laying face down, talking to themselves, crying in pain and praying in solitude. When their emotional lows are lower than the highs and the negative influences in their life far outweigh the positives, most often it is because someone is missing in their life—a parent, a sibling, a friend, or a person of trust. When they experience homesickness, lonesomeness and isolation they are naturally drawn to songs, poems, and love stories that introspectively reflect their own feelings.

In this age of Facebook, Twitter, Linked-in, Pinterest, YouTube, Tumbler, Instagram, dozens of social dating apps and social networking sites, casual writing is at an all time high. Computers allow anyone to put themselves out there in crazy ways with no restraints. Modern communication has shifted entirely toward the informal and the difference between creepy and romantic has become entirely hazy. Casual communication without much thought often occurs by chance. Lacking a high degree of interest or devotion and showing little concern, intent or commitment, social conveyance of ideas is often insensitive to the feelings of others. We seldom write in cursive anymore and pay little attention to the real meanings of words, classic literature, poetry and quality writing. The social fears of ostracism, criticism and misunderstandings prevent adoptees from taking action or saying how they really feel and when they don’t express themselves clearly, what they intended to say isn’t always how others interpret their words.

In this modern era, it is safer, far quicker and easier to communicate with abbreviations, emoji, and acronyms than it is to take the time to thoroughly compose our thoughts, transmit our ideas, and clearly express ourselves from the heart. We are reluctant to use poetry to express a yearning for love and communicate our sentiments with the words of a song because we fear what others may think. Poetry is an inherently dramatic method of communicating tangled abstract thoughts and simple expressions of complex ideas. Songs stir our emotions, make perception inevitable, and leave residual feelings of satisfaction as understanding merges into appreciation. In this world of text messaging and emails, good old-fashioned handwritten love letters have become very rare special treats. I cherish ancient love letters, poems and songs that cinematically paint images with words that clearly project the personal thoughts, perspectives and experiences of the writer to convey eternal messages of love and hope—memories of a bygone era recorded somewhere in time in handwritten script on parchment paper and encapsulated in a faded envelope.

Writing is therapy for many adoptees. When reminiscing about the past or thinking about someone who is missing, choose your words carefully. Be creative in word and thought. If you are uncertain how to begin, find a good quote. Don’t worry about the length of your message. A few simple sentences are often best when speaking from the heart. Don’t be concerned about what the handwriting looks like. The message is more important than the format. Don’t be afraid to open up. Regardless of the method chosen, the aim should always be to reveal the truth and use the meaning of your words to create understanding. If you are an adoptee separated from your mother, or someone very dear to you that is missing, perhaps this is a good time to let them know how you are truly feeling in a poem, a song, or a love letter?

Judith Land




About Judith Land

Judith Land lives in Colorado and Arizona with husband and coauthor Martin Land. Judith is a former nurse, retail shop owner, college instructor and avid outdoor person. Her book "Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child" is a true story detailing the journey of Judith Romano, foster child and adoptee, as she discovers fragments of her background, and then sets out to solve the mystery as an adult. She has reached readers in 192 countries. "Mothers and fathers everywhere in the world need to understand that children are forever and always." --Judith Land
This entry was posted in Adoption, Parenting, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to “Adoption—communicating with poems, songs and love letters”

  1. firehouserox says:

    I write poetry and prose based on the years I spent in foster care and adoption. It’s very therapeutic!

    • Judith Land says:

      Thanks for your comment. The objective disclosure of our private thoughts and anxieties by expressing our deepest thoughts and feelings about the significant events on our life in writing aids self-awareness that is enlightening, as well as therapeutic. Obsessive thinking and ruminating about past events often occurs at night. The continuous inhibition of our deepest thoughts and feelings about the traumatic events in our life stresses the mind and body. Self-expression describing how we feel in writing is therapeutic because it helps to gradually ease our feelings of emotional trauma. Writing can also be helpful for influencing and setting the stage for positive future outcomes.

  2. SherryAnn says:

    I write more today then I did before I met my birthmother. Before I found her I wrote to her an outreach statement. That was 1 of the things that helped her make the decision for contact. Writing is very therapeutic.

    • Judith Land says:

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Writing is therapy for those who suffer the trauma of war, adoption, separation and loss. It is an appropriate method for coping with separation, loss and adoption reunions. Writing is a method of externalizing and giving shape to our ideas. Written disclosure of how we feel releases tension by giving us the power to control our own thoughts. Writing can be useful for integrating and dissipating ideas through constructive resolution of bothersome situations.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.