Adoption—a warm blanket of complacency

“Baby blankets offer security and psychological comfort for a small child that takes the place of the mother-child bond when the mother cannot always be there. The blanket is especially important as a defense against anxiety as the mother gradually separates herself from the child for increasingly longer periods of time.” —Judith Land

My baby blanket was amazing—it was soft and warm and it provided a physical barrier between my toes and the imaginary monster under the bed. Blankets are symbols of happiness, bliss and contentment that are imprinted on a baby’s mind at an early age that provide comfort, security, softness and warmth. The experience of being wrapped in a blanket and held in the arms of a parent offers sanctuary from the elements and protection from real and imagined external threats. Some infants eventually become so attached to their blankets that they refuse to be separated from them. Adult victims suffering from depression or sickness try to recreate those same blissful childhood feelings of security, complacency, and comfort by wrapping themselves in a soft warm blanket to insulate themselves from the pressures of the world.

The experience of being lulled into complacency is often the mark of a wasted life—a false satisfaction with our own abilities that prevents us from trying harder—a feeling of contentment and self-satisfaction accompanied by a lack of awareness about an apparent need and apathetic feelings about the future. Persons on all sides of the adoption triangle should never accept their current reality, if it isn’t truly benefiting their life and the lives of others. A passive and self-congratulatory prideful life, smugly lived in the cloaked misery of complacency, stifles achievement, smothers success, fails to consummate victory, and only produces a torso of what might have been a regal statue. Signs that someone is in danger of sabotaging their life by being overtly complacent are: the fear of uncertainty; avoidance of new skills, technologies and talents; a lack of enthusiasm and a drive to do one’s best; a lack of attention to events, details, and relevant information; an avoidance of new job possibilities and opportunities to make new friends; and the fear of sharing of one’s thoughts and ideas. The roots of complacency are derived from smugness; self-centered feelings of importance; an uncritical satisfaction with oneself; gloating over one’s achievements; contentment with one’s honors, accomplishments, prestige, and the status quo; a lack of awareness of threats and future consequences; and the tendency of putting off for tomorrow something you could have done today. Complaisance is dangerous in both love and technology because it negates our drive to work, to inspire others, to write, and the desire to live a life of compassion, love, and forgiveness. Parents should never be lulled into complacence when it comes to the love and care of children.

To live a stalwart life we must identify what it is we want and energetically work to achieve it. Passionately living a purpose driven life is far more fulfilling and rewarding than a life lived under a blanket of complacency. It’s easy to get stuck too long in the thinking and planning phase and it is disheartening to see so much negativity and self-pity from those who pout and blame others for their place in life. Life is about overcoming obstacles, making decisions, and taking action. Adoptees can’t alter what happened yesterday, but they can change the future by taking action today. Each step of every journey sends ripples into the world that reveals new vantage points that empower us to keep moving forward toward the accomplishment of our goals. Anyone who has ever dreamed of solving the mystery of their origin to reconnect with the lost because they are curious about their native culture, pedigree, language and medical history must begin by overcoming the psychological blanket of complacency before they can learn to master the art of taking action.

Judith Land