“Adoption—Internal fears lead to procrastination”

Adoption Detective |Judith Land | Between a rock and a hard place | Between the devil and the deep blue sea | On the horns of a dilemma

“There are times in life when we find ourselves between a rock and a hard place, between the devil and the deep blue sea, and on the horns of a dilemma. A dilemma is a choice between two or more unacceptable alternatives; Catch-22 is a logical paradox; a bind is an awkward situation where each alternative yields equivalent undesirable results; and choices resulting from extortion lead to negative consequences. Much to our chagrin, regardless of the situation in life we find ourselves in, procrastination is seldom the appropriate choice—the hands of time are always spinning and the best time for action is often now.” —Judith Land


Innate forces beyond basic human needs drive self-actualizing people to explore and reach their full human potential. Without action it is impossible to experience profound moments of love, understanding, happiness, rapture, and feelings of being more whole and alive. Paralysis arises from a perception of danger leading to confrontation or an escape from the perceived threat. Dragging ones heels and chronically putting off impending tasks to a later time impedes normal functioning and the habit of chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological disorder.

The most burdensome and wearisome hindrances to conquer in life are our own internal fears. Fear triggers chemical changes in the body that affects sleep patterns. Fear is a source of procrastination and a foundation for inert unhappiness. The thought of calling my birth parents triggered spasms of fear and bouts of terror that left me feeling light-headed and faint. The thought of meeting them in person made my heart palpitate rapidly and my mouth go dry. My own self-generated insecurities absorbed vital emotional energy, reduced my physical stamina, shortened my attention span, diminished my mental drive, and triggered delays in action. My thoughts had been shaped by childhood dreams and fantasies that had remained constant for over three decades. Suddenly, the reality of meeting them for the first time stirred my confidence and caused me to become less certain and even frightened at times. Doubts bubbled to the surface leaving me to wonder if the early part of my life was a dark place with evil people with nefarious agendas where I shouldn’t go. Would my actions generate complications and problems as the result of my unwise interference in something from long ago that was tragic and undisturbed? I was initially scorned and coldly rejected on my first attempt to communicate with my birth mother but I refused to give up. Through stubborn perseverance I eventually achieved the result I wanted—conciliation and life-long friendships. Finding my roots and meeting my birth parents was a peak emotional experience—an extraordinary moment of self-actualization that left me feeling more self-directing, emotionally stronger, mentally wiser, and significantly more self-confident with fewer doubts and insecurities. My sense of well-being was liberating and gave me a spontaneous will to live life to the fullest.

My emotional drive to find my biological parents was the fulfillment of a childhood dream. Researching the topic of adoption inspired me to read many books about human psychology and mother-daughter bonding. The more books I read the more I learned and the more stimulated and motivated I became to find my roots. My psychological and emotional senses were greatly heightened knowing that heredity is a key factor in shaping our physical appearance, mental acuteness, preferences, personal characteristics, and personality. Over the years I had developed the habit of studying the faces of strangers to identify others with physical features and ideas similar to my own. After I discovered the identity of my parents, I finally understood what scientists had been saying all along—perhaps it was because the goodness in my heart was an inheritable personality characteristic. Valuing the task at hand is what gives us the confidence to overcome the social stigma of procrastination. Believing in oneself and trusting your own instincts is what is needed to overcome our greatest internal fears that prevent us from taking action.

Judith Land





About Judith Land

Judith Land lives in Colorado and Arizona with husband and coauthor Martin Land. Judith is a former nurse, retail shop owner, college instructor and avid outdoor person. Her book "Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child" is a true story detailing the journey of Judith Romano, foster child and adoptee, as she discovers fragments of her background, and then sets out to solve the mystery as an adult. She has reached readers in 192 countries. "Mothers and fathers everywhere in the world need to understand that children are forever and always." --Judith Land
This entry was posted in Adoption, Life, Parenting, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to “Adoption—Internal fears lead to procrastination”

  1. FlutePlayer says:

    “Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
    And thus the native hue of resolution
    Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
    And enterprises of great pitch and moment
    With this regard their currents turn awry,
    And lose the name of action”.

  2. Pingback: “Adoption—Internal fears lead to procrastination” | | truthaholics

  3. Lara/Trace says:

    courage – it’s required, adoptees – and we do learn it with or without our permission.

  4. shewrite63 says:

    Reblogged this on Finding Matthew and commented:
    The same could be said about a birth parent who has experienced inner fears, feelings of shame for too many years. You have to face them, shining a light on what could be, put them aside and procrastinate no longer in taking action to find your birth son.

    Thank you for this.


    • Judith Land says:

      I agree that people on all sides of the adoption triangle could benefit from hearing more firsthand stories about the experiences of birth mothers that are seldom shared because they are viewed as personal and secretive. Previous generations have been reluctant to express themselves publicly on separation issues and adoption issues due to the fear of what others might think, feelings of shame that they have done something wrong, to avoid harming other family members, negative peer pressure, fear of religious persecution, and conflicts with cultural and social norms. It is difficult for many parents to share their viewpoints and experiences due to anxieties about the fear of facing up to the collateral effects of adoption; and a standing belief that their decision is a regretful event with negative lifelong consequences. I have sympathy for all members of the adoption triangle who experience internal fears, doubts, and concerns and lack confidence about their decisions.

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