Are you planning an adoption reunion?

Judith Land | Adoption Detective | Interview

The purpose of an adoption reunion is the same as it is for a job interview: to provide others with insights into your abilities, interests, character and intent and allow you the chance to discern their personality, background and history to see how you fit in with their family or business. When both parties listen intently and speak truthfully, the process can be mutually beneficial. Knowing how the other side feels about you sets the tone for what is to be expected in the future.


Planning for an adoption reunion is like rehearsing for a critical job interview—you only have one chance to nail the job interview and make a good first impression. The anticipation of what might happen is highly emotional for many adoptees that worry about further rejection. Adoption reunions can be one of the most drawn-out and intimidating encounters—a once in a lifetime experience where everyone wants to come off as a genuinely likeable person that is poised, articulate and confident. First-time encounters are unique affairs that should be planned and prepared for ahead of time. Participants should learn to visualize positive ways of conducting themselves that reflects their desires and demonstrates how they fit in as valued individuals. Visualizing how these meetings should be arranged ahead of time helps to assure success. Practicing with a friend can be helpful for increasing confidence. Why do some reunions fail while others exceed expectations? Sometimes the lack of preparation is a problem. Other times, people give up too soon because their expectations were too high or unrealistic and their feelings were hurt.

How should reunions with significant others be conducted? What is needed to create positive outcomes? How should you engage the other person? How should you dress knowing that your wardrobe is a sign of your professionalism and competency? What can be done to make sure others picture you as honest, courteous, polite and respectful to others? What questions should you anticipate and what questions should you ask? How much should you learn ahead of time about the other person’s cultural background, heritage, personality, career and family relationships?

Adoption searches often require diligent complex detective work and perseverance. Whereas, adoption reunions require a completely different set of personal skills and attributes. Participants should strive to be amiable and lovable and generate feelings of inspired friendliness. Those who express themselves clearly without mumbling will be better understood. Being broad-minded and tolerant in thought and opinion avoids confrontation and argument. Showing a good moral understanding demonstrates conscientiousness. Showing a strong interest and an eagerness to learn about the other person increases opportunities for friendship. Steadfastness in aim, demonstration of a persistent desire for a continued effort, and a refusal to give up generates interest in future gatherings. The ability to convey motivation and inner reasons for acting increases understanding and patience. The open display of an optimistic nature stimulates buoyancy and cheerfulness. A belief that good prevails over evil shows that you are honest and sincere. Evidence that you are responsible, trustworthy and reliable shows that you are steadfast, mature and dependable. Demonstrating a strong interest in others and an eagerness to learn about them shows that you are devoted and faithful. A practical truthful presentation of things as they are gains trust. Staying calm demonstrates patience. Respecting others and treating these encounters as highly important events in your life by planning ahead and staying people-oriented are the best ways to assure success.

Judith Land



adopción | adoção | Verabschiedung | 采纳 | 양자 | 採用 | pag-aampon | adozione

About Judith Land

Judith Land lives in Colorado and Arizona with husband and coauthor Martin Land. Judith is a former nurse, retail shop owner, college instructor and avid outdoor person. Her book "Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child" is a true story detailing the journey of Judith Romano, foster child and adoptee, as she discovers fragments of her background, and then sets out to solve the mystery as an adult. She has reached readers in 192 countries. "Mothers and fathers everywhere in the world need to understand that children are forever and always." --Judith Land
This entry was posted in Adoption, Parenting, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Are you planning an adoption reunion?

  1. eagoodlife says:

    Adoption reunion bears no resemblance to a job interview because of the connection and emotion involved. These people are family, not possible employers, colleagues or friends! The best possible preparation is to confront and deal with all the difficulties surrounding adoption, identity, trauma and the loss involved, usually with a skilled professional. Read as much as possible, be informed, keep an open mind and understand that you may never know the full truth – you are only ever going to be told what others want you to know.

    • Judith Land says:

      Eagoodlife—I always enjoy your comments and good advice. Thinking far beyond the first encounter is highly important. First impressions are very important, but the most difficult task is knowing what to say after you say, “Hello!” It is important not to be overly optimistic because rejection is an everyday occurrence in the business world, just as it is in all aspects of life. Reconciliation, deciding what comes next, and forming quality alliances and enduring relationships are much more daunting tasks. For individuals beaming with confidence the first encounter may be the easiest stage, but for many of us coming to an understanding about what others really want and expect and forging a mutual consensus about the value and timing of longterm relationships are often far more daunting tasks. For many individuals, securing a dream job and meeting with relatives for the first time each have in common stage fright, fear of public speaking, and a fear of rejection. Obtaining someone else’s permission, gaining the trust of others, forging relationships, and the creation of long-term commitments all begin with a “first encounter”. The most important thing we can do in any situation is present a good first impression by presenting ourselves as persons of good character.

  2. eagoodlife says:

    Reblogged this on The Life Of Von and commented:
    Blog post on reunion. What do you think?

  3. Pingback: Are you planning an adoption reunion? | Fight4lilly's Blog

  4. Pingback: Father and Son Adoption Reunion Story

    • Judith Land says:

      Thank you for sharing this information that will resonate with adoptees, siblings and parents in Connecticut hoping for a reunion—a life-changing event for many individuals. John Suggs works full time as a forensic genetic genealogist, specializing in helping adult adoptees, and birth parents and siblings, find each other. To contact him directly, email

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