“Adoption—Fairytales and Tarradiddles”

“Deception is a recurring theme in modern philosophy. Deception and beguilement are acts of bad faith that propagate beliefs of things that are not true, or not the whole truth. Acts of concealment and deception that purposely mislead or misinform participants violate romantic and relational rules. Deliberate deceptions in criminal law are the basis of fraud.” —Judith Land

Have you ever been deceived by someone not telling the truth?

Most children are subjected to the deceit of others through the telling of fairytales and tarradiddles based on a surreal mix of fact and fantasy, improbable images, marvelous dreams, creative fantasies, half truths and tall stories. Many fairytales that are beloved and enduring contain pretentious nonsense that intentionally exaggerates the truth to teach moral lessons. But, when a story is intentionally fabricated to deceive a child into believing something false there is reason for concern. Parents who jealously denigrate other parents and grandparents through exaggeration and fabrication of stories are a form of mental indoctrination that leads to parental alienation.

There is a time and place beyond the age of reason, when children attain the use of reason and begin to have moral responsibility when stories need to be more realistic, candid, truthful, authentic and accurate—a time when parents need to be honest, factual and sincere. No individual is a permanent child in need of lifelong supervision and protection. Children eventually grow to become responsible mature adults fully capable of making their own decisions. Those who experience an emotional need for a curative and breakthrough reality to make sense of their disrupted life stories seek understanding and wisdom. They believe in self-determinism and view opportunities to learn about the past as natural, healthy, beneficial and appropriate. Moral authority necessitates the existence and adherence to truth premised on principles, fundamental laws and truths that are applied through the conscience of each individual.

Concealment has potential to lead to many happy years of childhood, safe and secure in the knowledge that a child is a valued member of the family. But, if they ever learn the truth later in life, how can they ever trust anything else that you say? Their image of who they thought they were is shattered like a soap bubble bursting in air that leaves the child permanently devastated, angry and resentful. The truth of his or her being is nothing but a lie. Trust is lost forever. What they previously felt as the essence of their being is gone in a flash, never to be returned. It isn’t easy being adopted. Rationalizing who they are and dealing with whispered feelings of rejection and inadequacy are much harder for adopted children to overcome. On the other hand, adoptees who know that they are adopted understand that they have a distant past. They realize that something otherworldly and important is missing from their life that makes them different from the rest of their adoptive family, but not necessarily in a bad way. Knowing that their parents are proud of them and comforted by the feeling they are special because their parents chose them are believable and positive reactions. Ultimately, the difference between truth and tarradiddles leaves me to believe that honesty is the best policy.

Judith Land

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com