Adoptees are motivated by curiosity, much like others when they engage in ancestral searches, but their motives eventually evolve into something more primal and powerful. An evolution in thinking takes place in their minds as they mature. With age and experience comes increased wisdom and insight; higher levels of emotional intelligence improve their understanding of complex issues and abstract concepts. In the hierarchal scale of human needs, their whimsical childish perspectives and simple curiosity about adoption gradually evolves into a stronger desire for knowledge based on a deep, psychological need to discover intangibles that are missing. When they come to the realization there has been an errant deviation in their life’s trajectory their curiosity intensifies. They become more aware of the primal wound inflicted on them at birth.
A craving for exposure and truth impassions them. Internal forces intensify as primitive native urges bubble up inside them. They are driven to discover the mystery of their origin but this inherent desire creates an unstable slippery slope within them because once their passions are inflamed, the flame is difficult to extinguish. The internal struggles between conscience, logic and reason and temptations they wrestle with shifts in favor of fervency and emotional affairs of the heart. The instincts that motivate them are the same primal desires that drive many animal species to travel thousands of miles across oceans, continents, mountain ranges, prairies and rivers, relentlessly and purposefully returning to their place of origin; a primal instinct necessary for their survival and the procreation of the species. These are the same ancient yearnings for a true sense of belonging within a specific genealogical realm and unique geographical niche that have existed in humans for as long as civilization has been recorded.
From the moment I was born, I instinctively searched for my mother’s essence, tactically, emotionally and spiritually. As a wee baby I was life longing for itself; I needed her for sustenance and survival. I was driven to be close to her for nourishment, comfort and protection. As a matter of survival, my senses were amplified to intensify my ability to project and receive mental signals from afar to compensate for what I was lacking in direct tactile contact, a survival mechanism triggered out of necessity to overcompensate for the lack of a direct physical connection, the same way that a blind person learns to navigate in total darkness. Hoping to discover the beauty of her face and the charm of her smile, discern her voice from others, and feel the warmth of her arms, I developed the lifelong habit of searching the universe for others, who were intuitively familiar. I longed for a familiar glance, an accidental touch, or something innately recognizable to make it easier for me to discover my true self-identity. The void I felt in my heart subconsciously dominated my thoughts as I forlornly looked into the eyes of strangers hoping to determine if we were related; naturally gravitating toward people who were more like me. As a matter of fate and circumstances, hoping for a meaningful connection and the opportunity to reunite with my birth parents, I telepathically scanned the universe in my dreams like a floodlight in the night sky.
What was it like to finally discover my roots? When I finally solved the mystery of my birth parents identity, I came to the realization in the middle of my euphoria that I was more thankful to God than I had ever been before. I was overjoyed knowing that I had achieved my lifelong aspiration to discover my true heritage. My internal resolve never weakened. I never quit or wilted in the face of grave adversity. Knowing that I was no longer unheralded and anonymous after the discovery of my true self-identity brought inner peace and happiness. We had been separated, but not vanquished. The reunification experience was emotionally therapeutic, leaving me less troubled by the pangs of uncertainty aroused by genealogical bewilderment, and more stable and relaxed with fewer self-doubts. Being accepted by them filled a void in my heart that allowed me to feel whole again. We unconditionally accepted each other in soul, mind and spirit. The past was resolved and forgiven. We live in the present; we have mutually scripted the future for a glorious ending. The ancient yearning for a true sense of belonging that I inherited from my ancestors was fulfilled. I am on cloud nine.
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