“Adoption searches—euphoric highs and melancholic lows!”

Dear Mom, Staying focused on my goal of finding you has forced me to deal with emotional setbacks, recognize false leads, and overcome stubborn bureaucracies. My quest to find you has required tremendous courage and tenacity. My journey has been a continuous cycle of emotional highs and depressing blues. The compelling force inside me to succeed is strong, but I am concerned about my mental stability, and the consequences to my family resulting from all the time I have devoted to finding you. I intend to use my inner strength and courage to continue the process of discovery until I know for certain what happened to me. I am afraid, but I have the courage to continue sailing through uncharted waters until this mystery is solved. Love, Judy

don_t_be_afraid_of_the_dark | Judith Land

“The process of conducting an adoption search requires resilience to conquer adversity, perseverance to overcome injustice, and persistence to achieve your goal. Good things come to those who never give up. Don’t be afraid of the dark because behind every story of adoption there is a novel or memoir waiting to be written.”

Life was a pendulum. Always struggling to work my way up the mountain before plummeting uncontrollably down the flip side, my emotions seemed attached to an animated roller coaster dominated by the thrill of exhilaration. The higher I climbed, the more precipitous the free fall descents were on the downside. I was either in heaven or hell, sheer bliss or purgatory, heartbroken or loved, and contented or panicked. The discovery of new clues generated jubilant euphoric highs; false leads provoked heart-rending melancholy lows. Sentimental highs were accompanied by wonderful feelings of high achievement, ecstatic joy, happiness, success, well-being, and a powerful sense of accomplishment. Other days were dark and dreary. I was glum and despondent, woefully dispirited, emotionally low, spiritually demoralized and mentally bankrupt. Whether they were high or low, the intensity of my emotions was far outside the natural range of variability for healthy living.

After three years of continuous searching, I had finally discovered the identity of my birth mother—but she had cold-heartedly rejected my pleas for mercy and clemency. She had no interest in meeting me. There was no opportunity for conciliation. If my harassment of her family didn’t stop, she had even threatened to sue me. My birth father had confessed his identity, but my sudden unexpected intrusion into his life had given him a massive heart attack. I was miserable, heartbroken and despondent and feeling dreadfully sorry for myself. I had sunk to the lowest and most depressing emotional state in my life. The passions that had inflamed my spirit for over three years were quietly dissipating. My quest to discover my roots had taken a massive expenditure of energy, expense, and precious time away from my career and family. I had arrived at a fork in the road.

What should I do? What would you do, if you found yourself in a similar situation?



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收养孤儿| | 고아 | 입양인 | сироты | усыновленного | сироти | усиновленої

About Judith Land

Judith Land lives in Colorado and Arizona with husband and coauthor Martin Land. Judith is a former nurse, retail shop owner, college instructor and avid outdoor person. Her book "Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child" is a true story detailing the journey of Judith Romano, foster child and adoptee, as she discovers fragments of her background, and then sets out to solve the mystery as an adult. She has reached readers in 192 countries. "Mothers and fathers everywhere in the world need to understand that children are forever and always." --Judith Land
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5 Responses to “Adoption searches—euphoric highs and melancholic lows!”

  1. Pingback: “Adoption Reunion—with cousin Johnny!” | Adoption Detective | A Novel By Judith Land

  2. missouriflower says:

    It’s a tough call, but it sounds like your bmom is bluffing! What’s she gonna sue you for? Telling the truth about your origins? Uh, I don’t think so. If the other relatives object to being contacted by you that’s one thing, but if they don’t, then that’s another.

    Personally, if I were contacted by my daughter, I’d be overjoyed! I can’t imagine not being! Anybody else minds, screw ’em! I’d love it if my daughter were as determined as you! I’d like to see her beat the system! I admire your efforts so much! I say good on you!

    • Judith Land says:

      I refused to back down even though she treated me as her inflatable dummy with a weighted bottom that returned to its upright position regardless of how many times it was struck. Her uncaring rebuttals kept knocking me down but I was resilient and refused to be dissuaded. Perhaps, my emotions were dulled as a baby when my birth mother was not there to hold me. Maybe the experience of knowing I was discarded made me tougher and more resilient when dealing with adversity. I tried to keep my chin up. I didn’t want to cry. Hearing the sound of her voice for the first time made me happy. I ignored her hostility and tried to project positive feelings. My point of view was genuine. I was proud of myself for speaking up and refusing to take no for an answer. Realizing this was a critical crossroads in my life, I resolved to follow God’s will by praying for the wisdom and strength of character needed to calm my anxious heart. I asked for a sign, either directing me to accept my unsettled fate as an adoptee or follow my heart to completion by satisfying my curiosity and the insatiable mystical forces channeling me toward new relationships, which would forever alter my life and the lives of others. When I least expected it to happen, she called me back. She was humble and apologetic; she invited me into her life. We have been at peace with each other and God ever since.

  3. I can relate on the other end, in that I have two boys that are being raised by my husband (who has adopted them). I pray that one day God can reconcile extended family members, but my priority has always been to keep them safe & shielded (at least as young children) from the emotional turmoil you describe above, which I can only imagine would come given our situation. I would encourage you to release your birth parents to the Lord in prayer….unfortunately some birth parents are not prepared to reconcile or have a desire to. I am only speaking from situations I have experienced or seen, so use wisdom from those that know more details on your particulars. I hope for all the best for you. Time may change their hearts, but if not, know that YOU did your best to reach out the olive branch of love/peace. That’s all we can really do 🙂
    Rachael @ http://www.parentingandhomeschoolinginfaith.com

    • Judith Land says:

      Thank you Rachael. I agree that giving someone the gift of a second chance in life is a blessing and a profound act of kindness.The idea that people deserve a second chance in life is an important American value. Americans are a distinctly optimistic people more inclined to ridicule social conditions, poverty and discrimination than blame individuals for awkward situations. American culture has always rejected the notion that there are inherently bad people. Prevailing attitudes assume that if conditions are altered, most people will be able to lead good lives. With maturity and experience comes wisdom and an ever growing sense of forgiveness. It is a commonly held belief that individuals willing to reshape themselves by fostering behavioral changes that promote personal responsibility, healthy relationships, and positive contributions to society should be forgiven and allowed a second chance. Judith

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