In hindsight, my approach of trying to reach my birth mother by telephone had been unsophisticated and clumsy. It was immature of me to assume Rebecca would confess her sins to a complete stranger. My assumption that she would voluntarily provide me with a reasonable explanation of the circumstances surrounding my birth without an advance warning was unrealistic. Suddenly emerging from the past like a mirage in the desert, I had scared her half to death. It had been natural for her to feel threatened and perceive me as a potential threat. My disheartening telephone conversation with Rebecca inspired me to think long and hard about my mission and all of its ramifications. I decided to compose my thoughts in writing and share them with Rebecca. The written word was a valuable communication medium. Thoughts and expressions were final, more exact, and less likely to be misinterpreted. I focused intently on the computer screen, and words from the heart miraculously appeared.
Dear Rebecca, I unconditionally forgive you for your transgressions and applaud you for bringing me into this world as a healthy, caring person, but my life will never be complete unless we share the blessings of life. The ultimate goal of our conciliation should be to achieve a quiet inner peace of mind as mother and daughter that will last for infinity. Motherhood is an act of creation and an enduring verity that is everlasting. You launched me into this world, and you are my true spiritual and biological link on this earth for all eternity. The genetic blueprint I inherited from you mimics the physiological and psychological characteristics shared by our matriarchal ancestors for survival over the millennia. Our relationship is much more unique and complex than simply biological. The essence of the life force that sustains and connects us as mother and daughter is esoteric, intuitive, spiritual, and much greater than the sum of its parts. My enduring faith in God lit my path and guided me to you. He gave me wisdom, strength, comfort, and the ability to stay focused during my long journey of discovery. He motivated me and honed my spiritual compass that pointed the way and inflamed my passions when there was little hope of finding you. Love, Judy
Thinking it would help Rebecca understand me better if I mailed her some information about myself, I composed a second letter describing my life as a wife, mother, and career person. My first two letters to Rebecca had been extemporaneously written from the heart. Ultimately, I needed to convince her that I was sincere and passionate about my lifelong quest to find her. The purpose of my final letter was a plea for empathy, friendship, and open communication to convince her that my course of action was appropriate. I included pictures of myself taking first communion, graduation from nursing school, and my wedding day. I included newspaper articles featuring my golfing hole-in-one, my retail yarn store, a favorite grouping of family pictures skiing at Vail and Aspen, and pictures of us boating at Lake Powell. I placed them in a sturdy box and drove to the post office without regard to speed limits. When I was finished, I lightheartedly skipped out of the post office, visualizing Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music running through high alpine meadows blanketed with edelweiss. My task was finished. I spontaneously flung my arms in the air and shouted for joy. I was absolutely jubilant.
Judith Land | Adoption Detective | Adoption Search | Adoption Reunion | Adoption Book
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