Do adoptees aimlessly drift through life?

Are you an adoptee mindlessly wandering far from your point of origin? Have you silently drifted away from your ancient memories and original course, intention, and point of view? Are you unaware of your own self-identity and potential because you were separated from your ancestors, culture, social background, and geographic place of origin through no fault of your own and you don’t know where to find them? Are you aimlessly drifting away from your base, your beliefs, and your family? Does the mysterious separation from your roots leave you feeling anonymous and unheralded? Are you operating without a plan, time table, and purpose in your life? Have you failed to set a course, point of attention, and destination? Are you far afield without a specific goal in mind? Do you randomly move from place to place and job to job? Are you unaware of the passage of time, the speed at which you are traveling, and uncertain what the future holds? Do you cling tenaciously to a lifestyle frozen in time? Is your life a product of your own free will and pursuit of happiness, or is your fate primarily driven by individuals and circumstances beyond your control?

Rainbow | Judith Land | Adoption Detective

Do you believe in miracles? The most spectacular rainbow I have ever seen occurred early one morning in my own backyard. The intensity of the colors were biblical. The brightness of the rainbow was spiritual and beyond compare. I interpreted the rainbow as an incontrovertible sign from God. It was a celebration and acknowledgement of the discovery of my biological parents and ancestral roots—a buoyant symbol of the fulfillment of my life’s journey and eternal goal.

Life is a never ending journey for individuals who are orphaned, fostered, and adopted. They must guard against the effects of the primal wound; genealogical bewilderment; lack of self-identity; circumstances and influences beyond their control; post traumatic stress and other forces that cause them to drift aimlessly away from a path of their own choosing.

The Bus to Abilene is a parable about our tendency to blindly follow those who initiate action—any action irrespective of whether he or she is right or wrong. It is a very powerful artifact of our culture, a red flag that can abruptly stop a conversation, and cause us to weigh the pros and cons of the initiative, and assess the risks, before making an accurate judgement. Have you ever felt like you were riding on that bus because someone else put you there?

Rainbows always follow storms. Is there a rainbow on your doorstep? Is the dark unlighted path you are mindlessly following running parallel to a vein of gold? You will never know the answer to these questions unless you set a positive course of action and seek meaning for your life. Happiness comes from exercising our own free will, setting attainable goals, and establishing a purpose for our life. New worlds were discovered with compasses, astrolabes, crystals, and reconnoitering. Which ones will you choose to help you find inner peace, fulfill your rightful destiny, and accomplish your eternal goals?

Judith Land

Usvajanje Detektiv | Usvajanje Story | antagande berättelse | hyväksyminen tarina

About Judith Land

Judith Land lives in Colorado and Arizona with husband and coauthor Martin Land. Judith is a former nurse, retail shop owner, college instructor and avid outdoor person. Her book "Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child" is a true story detailing the journey of Judith Romano, foster child and adoptee, as she discovers fragments of her background, and then sets out to solve the mystery as an adult. She has reached readers in 192 countries. "Mothers and fathers everywhere in the world need to understand that children are forever and always." --Judith Land
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4 Responses to Do adoptees aimlessly drift through life?

  1. Carolyn Gall says:

    I was adopted at 6 weeks. My biological father and I have known each other for 25 years now. I am seriously considering an adult adoption. In other words.. have my biological father adopt me. My adopted father is still living and I would probably lose my inheritance… but some things in life are more important. Like claiming your roots. Thanks for the article

    • Judith Land says:

      Carolyn, The best thing in life we can inherit is ‘wisdom’. Freedom and self-determination is the right of every individual to make the choices that are best for all concerned. Adoptees are not permanent children in need of life-long supervision. They eventually grow and mature to be fully thinking adults, capable of making their own decisions about search and reunions and relationships. Most adoptees have an emotional need for a curative and breakthrough reality that makes sense of their disrupted life stories. I am happy knowing that you have a positive connection with your father and are enlightened knowing some things about your true biological heritage. The adoption reunion can be an enlightening experience that helps many adoptees become well in this age of illness and anxiety. I am also happy knowing that you have a continuing relationship with your adoptive parent. Life is all about relationships and adoptees should not be forced to choose. Adoptive parents often have to be reminded that, if a parent can love more than one child, then a child can love more than one parent. My adoptive parents gave 100 percent of their estate to charity so that others could benefit from their hard work, which came as a hurtful surprise to me, not because of the loss of income but the feeling of being unheralded and anonymous in their eyes. Ultimately, we should befriend everyone we come into contact with and strive to do what is right by following the Seven Heavenly Virtues and the Rotary Four Way Test.

  2. Terri Lynn says:

    Seriously? I was adopted as a baby…..I always knew I was adopted….I grew up in a loving family. I had 3 brothers, 3 sisters an AMAZING Mom & Dad and a brilliant network of Aunts, Uncles & Cousins….AMAZING. My mom is my mom, my dad is my dad… Biological Parents are nothing more than names Alice and Gus.

    Of course was forever curious as to why these people “gave me away” I had fantasies of being embraced by another amazing woman and a direct connection with my biological father.

    One day mom was teaching me to drive, quality time….I started to question her about my birth mother….she started to cry….I hurt her…that hurt me….I never spoke of it again to my “parents”.

    My Parents had 5 kids of their own…but yet they adopted 2 more..they had an ENDLESS supply of love! I am eternally grateful to have fallen into their nest…….it was an amazing childhood….

    Do I feel, alone, unsettled, wandering aimlessly??? NO I am a product of my environment….i love where I came from and who I am…..but some things you say describe me to a T but wouldn’t they describe everyone?

    • Judith Land says:

      Terri Lynn,

      I am very happy for you knowing that you were properly nurtured and cared for during the early part of your life. You obviously thrived because your adopted parents were generous and kind. They gave a large part of themselves to sustain your life, comfort and care for you, mentor you, and give you their attention and unconditional love. They sound like ideal, wonderful, virtuous, talented parents. You are forever in their debt. It is normal for them to feel possessive and jealous of other parents. They naturally expect loyalty from you in return for all they have done. They are proud of your accomplishments and the significant roles they played in shaping your character and setting you on a productive path with favorable outcomes and a positive future. There are many reasons for you and you parents to celebrate the worthwhile and favorable outcomes they have created. There is no doubt they are your “mother and father”. They have done a lot for you at their expense and they deserve a tremendous amount of credit for what they have done and the tremendous amount of time they have invested.

      The points you raise are entirely valid. Fear of hurting adopted parents is the primary reason most adoptees hold back and stifle their emotions, deepest thoughts and urges. All parents feel a loss of connection with their children when they leave for summer camp, college, get married, or move to another state. I did everything I could to protect my adopted parents from any indiscretions I might commit when I did my adoption search. I waited one year to tell my adopted mother I found my biological mother. I waited until the perfect moment, subdued my high level of enthusiasm and acted very matter-of-fact about it; the same as normal people do when conducting ancestry searches to locate individuals who lived long ago. The circumstance of our meeting were arranged and controlled in order to protect her feelings. I never told my adopted father because I knew it would hurt him. One of the conclusions I came to when I discovered my biological parents was that, “If a mother can love more than one child, then a child can love more than one mother.” The love I had for my adopted parents was greatly increased after I discovered the identity of my birth parents because I had a greater appreciation for them.

      With age comes wisdom and most adoptees tend to think of their birth parents with an ever-greater understanding and sense of forgiveness, as we get older. When we come to the realization of who we “really are” and understand why “our life’s trajectory was so radically altered through no fault of our own” we begin to develop a more realistic self-image and understanding of our true place in the world. Some adopted parents think of their children as “forever children” in need of lifelong supervision and control and will never support the idea of a search or reunion, while others seem to understand that in the deepest part of the core brain adoptees really do want to know who they are, where their ancestors came from, something about the gene pool, heritage, culture, language, religion and social customs of our antecedents who came before us.


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