“Sharing my thoughts and emotions about my adoption search with my husband was therapy for me. He was the sole person aware of my plight and veiled inner turmoil, but only God could provide relief from the enormous internal pressures that were compressing and suffocating my soul.” —Judith Land, Author & adoptee
My adoption search was driven by an act of faith and sustained by courage. An eternal flame inside me ignited my passions and illuminated my path. I chose to lead and walk alone because there was no one to follow or guide me along the way other than God. I learned to read his signs and steady the compass because I didn’t know my destination and couldn’t foretell the direction I was going. There were many twists and turns and looming challenges to overcome along the way. I couldn’t explain the passions that sustained me, but I was determined to continue moving forward, regardless of the difficulties I might meet along the way. Each barrier I crossed and obstacle I overcame made me stronger and more determined than ever to achieve my goal of finding my birth mother.
Internal impediments and doubts were my greatest challenges that required the most courage to overcome. I prayed for personal guidance, strength, understanding, and intelligence. I hoped God would help me find the right answers because the powers propelling me forward were very commanding and spiritual. I was motivated to know the truth by a mysterious yearning to be whole as a human being. My desire to find my birth mother was deep-rooted and strong, like birds that are instinctively compelled to fly south in the winter and turtles that migrate across entire oceans to lay their eggs. A basic human instinct to assure my survival drove me. The requisite I felt to positively identify myself was increasing in pressure and bubbling to the surface, like a large pool of magma below an active volcano. Thoughts about my adoption were dominating my subliminal consciousness and stimulating me to develop a rational way of thinking about it.
As I prayed, I looked into my own soul to look for the reasons why I was so tenaciously motivated to find my birth mother and concluded that I possessed an innate desire to achieve self-awareness. It seemed natural to me that all people are born with a biological drive and survival instinct to be with their own kind. I rationalized that, if someone is parched he or she is automatically driven to satisfy his or her thirst; the same way that I was uncontrollably longing for contact with my birth mother.
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