“Adoption—the Joy of a young love” Judith Land

“Writers throughout the centuries have tried forever to capture the unsophisticated, immature, and naive, yet charming emotions of young love. Every generation warns of the perils, heartaches, and heartbreaks of unskilled adolescents—propelled through uncharted waters in a rudderless boat with sails inflated by sultry passions, without knowledge of the sea, or an astrolabe to guide them. Yet, each generation exerts their desire to experience love.” —Judith Land

celebrity adoptee

“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.”
—Khalil Gibran

Romeo and Juliet’s story of adolescent romance is centuries old, but it still lives on in the minds and hearts of many. Romantic relationships offer fun and companionship, help forge mature identities, and offer practice in managing emotions. Youth run on high octane fuel and are easily roused and hot-blooded. They are stimulated by their thirst for new things and experiences. When they are in love they often become impetuous, impulsive, and reckless, and their lack of social skills and emotional control makes sustainability of mature relationships difficult.

Saint Valentine’s Day is a day when lovers express their romantic love by presenting flowers, confectionery, hand written notes and greeting cards with heart-shaped symbols, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. “My dearest Miss, I send thee a kiss.” Saint Valentine marks the beginning of spring; plants and flowers start to grow and birds propose to each other on that day. When the risks of intimacy, passion and commitment are ignored, and the affairs of the heart are mistimed, the result may be an unplanned and unintended pregnancy linked to numerous maternal and child health problems including adoption. Infatuated love only includes passion. Empty love only includes commitment. Romantic love includes both intimacy and passion. Companionate love includes intimacy and commitment. Fatuous love includes passion and commitment. Lastly, consummate love includes all three—intimacy, passion and commitment.

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

Judith Land | Adoption FAQ’s | Adoption Detective Book

la joie de l’amour des jeunes | la alegría de amor joven | la gioia di un amore giovanile

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About Judith Land

Judith Land lives in Colorado and Arizona with husband and coauthor Martin Land. Judith is a former nurse, retail shop owner, college instructor and avid outdoor person. Her book "Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child" is a true story detailing the journey of Judith Romano, foster child and adoptee, as she discovers fragments of her background, and then sets out to solve the mystery as an adult. "Mothers and fathers everywhere in the world need to understand that children are forever and always." --Judith Land
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8 Responses to “Adoption—the Joy of a young love” Judith Land

  1. Mirah Riben says:

    The title of this piece troubling to say the least and to be polite. There is NO JOY in adoption LOSS, no more than there is joy in a child dying. A loss is a loss. There may be joy for the recipient, but not for the mother who loses a child of her womb and the child left to feel rejected.

    Beyond the title is the whole premise which makes it sound as if the majority of adoption loss is a result of ill-prepared foolish lovers who confuse love with lust and fail short on the commitment part. This is not the case. Most adoption loss is the result of social stigma and poverty. Lack of access to resources from birth control and abortion to day care or a decent job. Some “unintended” pregnancies are the result of rape and incest, not misguided “love.” Many are just the simple result of birth control failure – even on the part of committed, married couples.

    Romanticizing adoption is one of the prime reasons that so many unnecessary loss and separation continue to occur! Romanticizing adoption increases demand and confuses young women into believing that it is a “better” option for them and their child…. that they can have their cake and eat it too with so-called “open adoption.” That they should wait cause then they too can always “just” adopt another mothers’ child.

    Would you romanticize SIDS death or miscarriage? Adoption loss may make for good fodder for your mystery novels, but it is NOT something that should be encouraged, even subliminally.

    On Valentines Day maybe we should think more about the love of mother and child and ways to NOT break that scared bond by being supportive and providing necessary resources to keep families intact through temporary crisis.

    • Judith Land says:

      “We should think more about the love of mother and child and ways to not break that sacred bond by being supportive and providing necessary resources to keep families intact through temporary crisis.” Well said, I agree that the separation of a child from its mother has serious consequences to all concerned; it is not a topic to be taken lightly or romanticized. I was a product of a young love and, if I had been given a choice, I never would have agreed to be separated from my parents. I was inspired to write this blog on Valentines Day while reminiscing about the young love my parents had for each other and continued to express throughout their entire adult lives. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and wisdom.

    • I am an adoptee and I hate the fact that adoption is romanticised. I do not think any person who has lived as an adoptee would support this societal outlook. National Adoption Awareness Week in Australia was full of this attitude on Facebook. I feel angry when I observe this outlook that is mainly from adoptive parents or those hoping to become adoptive parents.

      • Judith Land says:

        Carolann, I agree with you that adoption should not be romanticized. The perils, heartaches, and heartbreaks of unskilled adolescents when an unplanned pregnancy occur are far too painful. Some miscalculations in life can never be erased from our memories. Sadly, people who encounter major losses in their lives many never get over them. The knowledge that a child is separated from its mother is a major loss that causes the child to suffer permanent grief and life-long loneliness. The sense of isolation the abandoned child experiences may be suppressed, but never goes away. The mothering instinct is very strong and the mother who refuses to raise their own child may also suffer emotional torment and lasting heartache. Knowing the child’s true course in life can never be corrected causes the mother and child to experience sentiments of penitence that goes beyond regret. Knowing their life’s trajectory has been inextricably altered through no fault of their own, leaves many adoptees with emotional scars that may heal with time but never go away. The sense of loss and separation they eternally suffer causes a deep sense of sorrow and pain.

  2. Judith Land says:

    I was inspired by the love my parents had for each other when writing this blog about the “joy of a young love”. My parents had a mutual affection for each other ever since they were children. On their first date in eighth grade, they held hands and promised to be faithful to each other forever. Over time, their youthful exuberance and puppy love matured into feelings of mutual respect. Their relationship was overflowing with genuine passionate love for one another. They spent more time together as the years progressed and continued to be sweethearts throughout their high school years. Their love continued to intensify until the inevitable happened. My mother became pregnant but she was not old enough to marry my father without her parents’ permission. They were opposed to marriage, placed her in a home for unwed mothers, and forced her to give me up for adoption. Several years later, when my parents were legally old enough, they fulfilled their childhood dreams of a young love and got married anyway. Fifty years later during their golden wedding anniversary I saw their smiles and radiating love for each other while they glided across the floor holding hands and dancing to the song “Too Young” by Nat King Cole. The words to the song were very clear, “Their love has lasted throughout the years, even though everyone said they were too young to be in love.” They had been childhood sweethearts, and their youthful longing for each other had blossomed into a lifelong love affair. I viewed them as an ideal couple. They were an inspiration to everyone in attendance. Reuniting with them thirty years later was a “great joy” for me, as well as for them.

  3. Mirah Riben says:

    THAT is a beautiful story. Bitter sweet… What was lost, your entire life growing up without your mother and your father, and they not seeing your first steps etc…. remains forever lost… The pain that they suffered during years of wondering if you were safe and well can never be erased…

    How blessed the three of you are to have what you have now. Not all families torn apart get that joy. Antiquated laws act to prevent such storybook reunions, as does death and for others pain and anger that cannot be overcome by a reunion years after the fact.

    Adoption stories are as unique as snowflakes. No two alike.

  4. Yes it is a lovely story but what is the result for adoptees whose parents did not love or belong together. We feel bad and fell that maybe we were not meant to be born.

    • Judith Land says:

      Most of us suffer times of uncertainty, predictable crises, that are ‘normal’ in human development. We all experience situations that leave us feeling hurt and baffled; when this happens we have difficulty objectively viewing those around us, and forgiving their behavior. When you find yourself struggling with your problems and feeling quite alone and abnormal, it can be greatly reassuring to find that others are quietly suffering too, and even more so to find that they share the same crippling psychological afflictions, misfortunes, and challenges. When we are feeling all alone and in distress, we appreciate others who reach across the abyss to lend a helpful hand. Even a hug can work miracles sometimes—so here is a hug from me to you.
      https://judithland.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/troubled-by-circumstances-or-the-behavior-of-others/

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