“Adoption—What motivated you to search for your birth parents?”

Judith Land | Adoption Detective | Italy

Travel is a powerful method for helping adoptees know the place they’re really from. Traveling broadens our perspectives and hones our worldview. Exposure to the cultural traditions, languages, and historical perspectives of others stimulates us intellectually and helps us know who we really are. Traveling is a great way to improve our thinking process and overcome fears because it is a refreshing way of exposing our minds to new ideas, new acquaintance and new challenges. Dinner under a full moon in Venice, Italy, is particularly stimulating.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Orphaned children from around the world have been seeking answers to the same ancient questions for as long as civilization has existed. In the hierarchal scale of human needs, learning something about our ancestors is an important building block for creating a true sense of self-identity. Children have a whimsical understanding and curiosity about the past. Over time their feelings grow from an emotional desire to understand where they came from into a deep, primal, psychological need for a true self-identity that will finally make sense out of their disrupted lives. In some cases, knowing something about family medical history is very important for medical diagnosis and research.

I spent my childhood quietly wondering and longing for something intangible that was missing in my life. I never gave up hope or stopped scanning the universe for my biological parents because I was confident that someday I would find them. The ghostly image I had of my birth mother was something that haunted me throughout my childhood. Even though I had never seen her face, I often thought of her. I instinctually began as a wee life longing for the warmth and protection of my birth mother to survive. The umbilical cord was physically severed, but the esoteric spiritual connection that bound me to my birth mother was heightened by our unnatural separation. Maybe I possessed a biological gene in my DNA that drove me to succeed. Using my sixth sense, I never gave up scanning the universe for esoteric signals emanating from her essence. I used intuition to connect in every way possible with what was intuitively familiar because I was subconsciously longing to be with her. I wanted to know why my birth parents gave me up for adoption, my family medical history, and something about my cultural heritage. I wanted to be with others who shared my same flesh and blood because I was curious to know if we looked alike, had similar habits, or personal preferences. Ultimately, my drive to find my roots was spiritual and inspired by God.

Judith Land

 

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

About Judith Land

Judith Land lives in Colorado and Arizona with husband and coauthor Martin Land. Judith is a former nurse, retail shop owner, college instructor and avid outdoor person. Her book "Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child" is a true story detailing the journey of Judith Romano, foster child and adoptee, as she discovers fragments of her background, and then sets out to solve the mystery as an adult. "Mothers and fathers everywhere in the world need to understand that children are forever and always." --Judith Land
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17 Responses to “Adoption—What motivated you to search for your birth parents?”

  1. I placed my son for adoption in 1977 and we saw each other 3 years ago. I too could wite a few chapters him as well but somehow we do not know how the story will end. Such pain I endured while he searched every face for me he is 36 but in so many ways he is that boy at the age they told him he was not theirs😦
    They said they backed him in his search for me but after a nice day of meeting each other and hanging out along the sea he went back up to their summer home where he endured another world of hurt and pain.
    I backed off because I owe this couple everything
    My son means the world to me I have told him that in every way I can but he is there and I am here and the pain continues some adoptions stories I guess are not meant to have happy endings are they.
    I know when I was 20 I made the right choice for him. I know they love him but he said they are not me. 56 and still confused in NH

  2. Pingback: A radio Interview with Judith Land | Adoption Detective | A True Story by Judith Land

  3. Why start off talking about “orphaned children”? Most adoptees are not orphans and never were orphaned. Most of us are adults. All you are doing here is playing into stereotypes.

    • Judith Land says:

      There are a variety of reasons why children who are orphaned, fostered, and adopted may want to search for their biological antecedents. I am always curious to know what motivates some individuals seek to unlock the secrets of the universe, while others aren’t curious and seemingly don’t care. Some individuals are highly motivated to build a pedigree and learn about their medical history. Others have a curious nature and desire to learn about history, human behavior and psychology. Others are motivated to unlock the secrets of their birth and develop a more thorough and complete self-identity. Some individuals have a strong desire to reconnect with their lost. Perhaps, some possess a genetic or psychological drive similar to that which motivates animals to cross oceans, continents and mountains to return to their place of origin—something that is hardwired into their brains for survival. Our ideas evolve over time. Cocoons become butterflies and ugly ducklings become mature adults. Whatever the reasons are, I am always curious to know what motivates individuals, regardless of age, to choose the path they decide to follow.

      • That didn’t answer my question. You simply stereotyped again.

      • gooddaytotry says:

        i like the beginning. in truth nearly all babies are desperately wanted by their moms. the trouble is they fetch a handsome price. the act of becoming an orphan is always a violent one and these sellers have to start admitting it is through lies, coercion and torture that moms lose the love of their life. the sellers enacted the violence that caused a baby to lose the only thing they knew.

  4. Hereditary heart problem, that regardless of genetics depends on family history to really choose the best course of treatment. Found out it Did not come from my birth mother’s side and bio dad’s side won’t acknowledge what happened 45 years ago.

    • Judith Land says:

      Patrice: Because family health history is such a powerful screening tool, the Surgeon General of the United States encourages everyone to prepare a pedigree and create a portrait of their family’s health. Our genes carry unbelievable information of our family medical history. Despite the increasing emphasis on diagnostic technology, many physicians perceive the medical history as the preeminent source of information with a much higher value in diagnosis than either the physical examination or laboratory and radiography information. Adoptees with a comprehensive family medical history have a lower health risk and better chance for a longer healthier life. Early diagnosis is a critical factor in health care and is especially important for adoptees.

  5. i found bio mom 25 years ago out of curiosity. she wasn’t open to the relationship so I let it sit …….then laast year I had some med. issues and had to find out. I searched the net with the info my mom had given me ears ago, came up with some info and followed it. medical turned out ok, but I did find them all once again, they were open to it this time. my bio sis helped me tremendously in getting all my legal records, as she had power of atty for our mother. The sad thing was 2 weeks ago we lost her to cancer. we were all by her side. she went peacefully nd knew I loved her, had no resentments , and was so thankful for my adoptive family. I also lost 2 sisters previously to cancer that I never met. I adore this 2nd family I have. My adoptive fam is happy for me, and I have double the love.❤ I did find my bio dad, spoke on phone, he was kind to me but didn't want to meet. I spoke to his bio dtr, she didn't believe me and hung up on me, sent a registered letter to his son, with no reply. It is what it is…. I am happy.

    • Judith Land says:

      I had a similar experience. My birth mother strongly rejected my initial request to meet in person. Months later she miraculously changed her mind, invited me into her life and confided her story to me. My emotional responses were outside the natural range of variability in both incidences.

      • my bio sis was my contact, she went to our mother and asked if it was true. then it came out and we all agreed to meet. Was VERY strained at first, so many feelings and emotions on both sides. I was the one who approached her and told her it was OK….she did the right thing and I was very loved by my adoptive fam. Before she passed, she told me she loved me , and I, her. Both my a-parents are passed. I wish they could’ve met.

  6. Lesley Earl says:

    I’ve often wondered why I was not particularly interested in looking for family of origin. The thought I am aware of is I did not have an identity (5 placements, 3 different names, 1 failed adoption by 19 months age). I suspect my infancy …childhood…teenage years…young adult hood were spent building and identifying who I wanted to be and learning how to do it. This other stuff added way too much chaos and confusion to a life that constantly kept going off the rails and imploding. I’ve not had the time;-) . Now I have about 20 years left (puts me at 80) and writing out my story is the last thing I want to do…I am not interested in reliving the agony in order to share. It was tough enough to live it through the first time…and my parents saved my life so it wasn’t them…

  7. myitzybitzy says:

    I was adopted when I was 18months old by much older parents (60). Before I turned 16 my mom had a stroke and by the time I turned 20 both of my parents passed away. I feel orphaned. I started my search about 1 yr ago at the age of 31. I pray everyday that I will find answers to who I am.

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