Dear Mom, Staying focused on my goal of finding you has forced me to deal with emotional setbacks, recognize false leads, and overcome stubborn bureaucracies. My quest to find you has required tremendous courage and tenacity. My journey has been a continuous cycle of emotional highs and depressing blues. The compelling force inside me to succeed is strong, but I am concerned about my mental stability, and the consequences to my family resulting from all the time I have devoted to finding you. I intend to use my inner strength and courage to continue the process of discovery until I know for certain what happened to me. I am afraid, but I have the courage to continue sailing through uncharted waters until this mystery is solved. Love, Judy
Life was a pendulum. Always struggling to work my way up the mountain before plummeting uncontrollably down the flip side, my emotions seemed attached to an animated roller coaster dominated by the thrill of exhilaration. The higher I climbed, the more precipitous the free fall descents were on the downside. I was either in heaven or hell, sheer bliss or purgatory, heartbroken or loved, and contented or panicked. The discovery of new clues generated jubilant euphoric highs; false leads provoked heart-rending melancholy lows. Sentimental highs were accompanied by wonderful feelings of high achievement, ecstatic joy, happiness, success, well-being, and a powerful sense of accomplishment. Other days were dark and dreary. I was glum and despondent, woefully dispirited, emotionally low, spiritually demoralized and mentally bankrupt. Whether they were high or low, the intensity of my emotions was far outside the natural range of variability for healthy living.
After three years of continuous searching, I had finally discovered the identity of my birth mother—but she had cold-heartedly rejected my pleas for mercy and clemency. She had no interest in meeting me. There was no opportunity for conciliation. If my harassment of her family didn’t stop, she had even threatened to sue me. My birth father had confessed his identity, but my sudden unexpected intrusion into his life had given him a massive heart attack. I was miserable, heartbroken and despondent and feeling dreadfully sorry for myself. I had sunk to the lowest and most depressing emotional state in my life. The passions that had inflamed my spirit for over three years were quietly dissipating. My quest to discover my roots had taken a massive expenditure of energy, expense, and precious time away from my career and family. I had arrived at a fork in the road.
What should I do? What would you do, if you found yourself in a similar situation?
收养孤儿| | 고아 | 입양인 | сироты | усыновленного | сироти | усиновленої